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15 April 2008
"I had some dodgy prawns from this tapas restaurant. I seriously thought I was going to die. It was all going on, at both ends..."
6 March 2008
"I went in a wheelchair. I had a dressing gown on, a bandage round my head...but I’d leap up and start dancing."
1 February 2008
"I dreamed about being a dwarf"
12 January 2008
"A petting zoo? What’s that? A Stan Collymore dogging thing?"
1 December 2007
"We loaded and loaded the M16s. Our fingers were bleeding"
1 October 2007
"I wouldn’t resort to murder to further my career"
1 September 2007
"What is a Scottish egg?"
"I thought the alarm clock was an oncoming car. I punched it to bits"
1 April 2007
"I signed some bloke’s forehead once. He couldn’t see it of course, so I just wrote what I wanted."
1 March 2007
"Mrs Rosenthal would never do that. She’s a lovely woman"


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