Jay FC's Ohmigod review - now with goats
Ticking on Tiki Taka
Well, Adelaide United’s buzz has well and truly deflated after notching up their third straight defeat, this time to the Gary van Egmond’s table-proppers from the Hunter. Tiki-taka has been tiki-tanking in the south, which prompts the whole ‘Style v Substance’ debate. It’s not panic stations just yet, but it cant be sitting well on the conscious of Adelaide fans that their philosophy is rendering less points than that of coaching masterminds Frank Farina and Gary van Egmond. You’ve no doubt heard the phrase “Would you rather win ugly or play like Barcelona and lose 4-0?”. Firstly, it’s a stupid hypothetical. If you’re playing like Barcelona, you’re not going to lose 4-0. But as the memory of Adelaide securing three points drifts further and further away, would fans be content with some gut churning Terry Butcher long ball if it could get them reacquainted with the taste of success? Are Adelaide fans that desperate yet? Gombau has stated it will take months before his philosophy will yield results. Which begs the question: Why? Is keeping the ball on the ground just too complex a philosophy for the average anglo saxon mind to comprehend? Does it really require half a year to grasp the revolutionary concept that kicking it long = bad? One thing that all Adelaide fans can agree upon, is that if you’re looking for style AND substance, you can’t pass Johnny Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa, in cinemas November 14.
Angeroos V Costa Rica
Much interest was on Ange last week with the selection of his first Socceroo squad, as he began his reign as Australia’s new footballing overlord. Despite numerous calls for a drastic overhaul to the squad, only a couple of seniors found themselves culled, with 29-year old Alex Wilkinson the only fresh face. But next Tuesday’s Socceroos game with Costa Rica is an essential game. It’s essential as Ange has to start shaping the mould of the most paramount part of a football team: the scapegoat. The scapegoat is the most important role of any team, even mores than the captain and even the coach, as it is solely responsible for absorbing the negativity amongst the squad. The scapegoat is a demanding role, where the player in question must bare the brunt of the fans’ disappointment and unmet expectations, as we keep our uneducated minds happy by opting to abuse the fall boy, rather than concede truths about our side that we’re not ready to accept. That’s why a scapegoat is quintessential, because a scapegoat can be utilised as a wonderful tool for diversion. It’s a sponge. All negative energy is magnetised to it, while pressing question marks about the team are smothered underneath its smog. If things go wrong, you, the fans, don’t want to address tactical flaws, the ineptness of our squad or even concede the quality of the opposition. You want to be using social media, contriving the most heinous personal slurs possible towards the scapegoat and the scapegoat’s extended family. In the past, Brett Holman, David Carney and Matt McKay have all been wonderful `goats, with Lucas Neill embracing the role in more recent times. But will Ange keep Neill’s scapegoat status intact? Or is he ready to blood a new goat for Brazil `14? The pressure of this selection headache will no doubt be overwhelming Ange, and what a better way to clear his head than by watching this years blockbuster comedy Bad Grandpa, starring Johnny Knoxville (in cinemas November 14).
Kewell: The Walking Injury
Like clockwork, Harry Kewell’s commitment to becoming injured has prevailed yet again, with the most fragile man in football injuring himself a good 15 minutes after returning from injury. Having already missed the last four weeks of football, Medicare’s finest Harry Kewell returned to his first training session, only to be injured within minutes after being struck by a heavy wind gust. Let’s face the facts, Harry Kewell is the most fragile human being in existence. If you stare at Harry hard enough, something will break. He shouldn’t be kept in the midfield, he should be kept in a bubble. I don’t know how Harry Kewell signed a contract with Heart. No, I mean, physically, I don’t know how Harry signed a contract without a triple wrist fracture occurring. When he goes to see Johnny Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa, in cinemas November 14, there is a strong likelihood that he’ll break his funny-bone. And his pelvis. Which brings me to James McPeake. James is Wellington Phoenix’s fourth choice goalkeeper. He only gets a bench spot when fellow goalies Glenn Moss and Jacob Spoonley get called up for All Whites duty. So here is this season’s challenge: Can James McPeake get more minutes on the pitch than Harry Kewell this season? Even with Kewell having a 68 minute handicap on McPeake, my money is on the the young goalie prevailing, mainly because, unlike Kewell, he doesn’t have bones as brittle as shortbread.
RT: The Big Blue Twitter Drama
Well Saturday’s Big Blue had everything. Goals. Offsides. Send Offs. Slapstick. And of course, twitter drama!!! For those who didn’t see the fixture, what on earth were you doing? There was nearly as much entertainment value as Johnny Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa, in cinemas November 14. Naturally, the navy contingent are a little sore after losing to a 10-man Sydney, with much scorn being heaped upon Del Piero and his perceived ease at going down when challenged. This prompted Melbourne Victory’s official twitter account to post this: “COMPETITION: Who wants to be (referee) Peter Green’s + 1 to Del Piero’s 39th birthday party tonight?” I guess sometimes we forget that real people run these accounts. Real unimaginative people. I mean, come on. If you’re going to have a potshot at Del Piero for diving, at least work in a Grosso reference. The FFA has stepped in, giving the club an official warning over the tweet and you can only side with the FFA on this. Because if you’re going to play the antagonist, you’ve got to make the most of the opportunity! There is sea of Sydney shortcomings to snipe at. Like how Richard Garcia’s struggle with male pattern baldness is as discreet as a certain Olympic gold medalist swimmer's sexuality. Or how no wants to wear Pedj Bojic’s ‘A-List’ merchandise, because no one wants to wear pseudo Tap Out garbage. Or how Nicky Carle’s new haircut makes him look like he is morphing into Branko Culina at an alarming rate. Not to mention Frank Farina’s alleged liquid lunches, Seb Ryall’s bus shelter shenanigans - honestly, there is plenty of angles you can work with. So next time, take the most of the opportunity and just be as asinine as humanly possible. Because if you cant beat them on the pitch, you can at least beat them on the retweets.
Rowdy Rockin Reddy’s back
We all love comeback stories. The Mighty Ducks, Rocky, and surely Liam Reddy’s tale will soon join that list after a wonderful debut for his fifth A-League club on Sunday. Liam is one of the A-League’s favourite characters. He likes punching people, stomping people, getting drunk on planes. He’s just an all-round lovable guy. Now, a lot of clubs don’t consider these traits as “employable”, but after a brief spell out of the A-League, Graham Arnold has given the most chiselled jaw in football a second chance and he took the most of that opportunity against Brisbane. Yes, it’s true the Mariners did succumb to Brisbane 1-0, but it took a goal-of-the-season contender to beat the unusually sober custodian, who delivered a man of the match performance. A performance almost on par with Johnny Knoxville’s performance in Johnny Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa, in cinemas November 14. You’ve got to feel for Justin Pasfield though. After two years of biding his time on the bench, he couldn’t even make it through five rounds before being dropped, all because none of his dense team-mates were intelligent enough to read his world-class dummy in the F3 derby. Getting reacquainted to the feel of the cold, plastic Bunnings chairs can lower anybody’s morale. But if Justin needs to lift his spirits, nothing will lift them higher than Johnny Knoxville’s Bad Grandpa, in cinemas November 14.