Clarke Carlisle would like to apologise for jumping in front of a truck last year but the driver will not speak to him.
Former Professional Footballers' Association chairman Clarke Carlisle has revealed the truck driver that drove into him during his suicide attempt in December has refused to speak to him.
Carlisle stepped out in front of traffic in December and was hospitalised for six weeks due to the injuries he sustained near York in the north of England.
The 35-year-old has been diagnosed with depression, and in an interview with GQ magazine, discussed the affect his actions have had on those around him.
"I feel deeply ashamed and incredibly guilty: that I may have caused lasting trauma to my family but also, what about the driver?" Carlisle said.
"I have tried to make contact and he has point-blank refused and I understand that, he has to deal with it as he sees fit, but I wish I could see him and apologise."
While Carlisle admitted he was "angry" when he regained consciousness in hospital, the former QPR, Leeds United and Burnley defender insisted he has had a complete change in mentality since.
"I cannot tell you how delighted I am to be alive," he said.
"Life is full of possibilities. I was totally shaken and stirred as a human being."
Carlisle hopes his experiences will show football administrators that mental health education must improve.
"You are living your dream, a dream you have had since you were a child, and you are elevated to such a status. There is adulation, you are mollycoddled, and when you leave you don't go from that to a status the same as others, but you go below," he said.
"'Didn't you used to be something? Oh yeah, you were a footballer - why did you stop? Were you s***?'"