JayFC's ohmigod review of the week...

CAN we make it through round two without a lawsuit or major advertiser dropping us? Here's JayFC to test the boundaries. We take no responsibility. (A guy in a bar told us that last bit actually works in court.)

Blowing up on whistleblowers
The world is enduring some testing times. There’s bushfires, struggling economies, famine. The list is endless. Football, however, will forever be the world game. Because no matter what ethnicity, what social status, what faith or political ideologies you believe in, we can all unite as one for 90 minutes, to heap unbridled rage upon an incompetent referee. And this round, we were given ample opportunity to air our discontent with the shortsighted men in black. Now referees are human. They all have their bad days. Unfortunately, it felt as though all of them had their ‘bad day’ in this round. The refs made more mistakes than a dyslexic proofreading Ulysses. There haven’t been so many incorrect decisions made since the AFL were planning the GWS Giants. Soon, you’ll be hearing renewed pleas for video technology, not to correct the referees' mistakes, but so we can have a video camera locked on the referee's head to see if they can wave away these penalty claims and offside decisions with a straight face.
Jets v Glory: 90 minutes, 1 emotion – boredom
Condolences to all those who dared to endure the tragedy known as Sunday’s Jets-Glory fixture, which was completely void of any entertainment value whatsoever. This is an early leader for the most boring game of the season and I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that a challenger doesn’t emerge trying to dethrone it. Both sides had the unusual tactic of trying to bore the opposition into submission, but unfortunately, no one benefited. Especially the viewers. I could count all the goalmouth incidents on one hand, and full disclosure, I’ve lost several fingers in a tragic bandsaw accident. The highlight of the match was when part-time footballer, full time nutjob, Ljubo Milicevic was spotted in the Squadron, posing for pictures. As we got starstruck seeing Ljubo in his trademark fedora and awful tattoo sleeves, we momentarily forgot about the atrocity happening on the pitch. But he left and we had to return to the sporting equivalent of drying paint. In the dying embers, a clear penalty wasn’t awarded to the Jets, as the referee and linesmen had all simultaneously fallen asleep, along with a strong majority of people who tried viewing this match. And quite frankly, I’m glad it wasn’t given as I’d hate to think three points could be awarded to either of these sides for such unambitious football. Hell, I’d hate to think that any of these sides could still have A-League licences after such a pitiful display.
Adelaide turns the big 10
So it's now been 10 years of pissants and Adelaide decided to honour the occasion by issuing a one-off throwback jersey to replicate the club’s debut kit from 2003. Now, throwing back to fashion from 10 years ago is a pretty risky move. This was a time where a puka shell necklace and open toed sandals were an acceptable combo. This was when Juicy sweatpants and Von Dutch caps plagued the streets. In fact, berets were still being worn with sincerity during this period. Indeed, there were plenty of risks in re-living 10 year dated fashion. But in saying that, as a red-blooded heterosexual male, I have to admit that Adelaide’s jersey on Friday night looked OH-EM-GEE FABULOUS! The red-navy-yellow colour scheme sent kitnerds' tongue watering, which makes you wonder, why has yellow been blackballed from the Adelaide kit? In recent times, there’s been more yellow on John Kosmina’s coffee-stained teeth than there has been on an Adelaide jersey. Adelaide, don’t abandon your roots and ignore the colour yellow. Especially when things of beauty, like last Friday’s jersey, can be created.
Bridge v Topor-Stanley: Quest for Starbucks Glory
Now, I would like to distance myself from comments written here last week regarding the euphoria of the ‘beardageddon’ sweeping the A-League. While I still support the beard and all that it symbolises, you cannot support Mark Bridge and Nikolai Topor-Stanley after it was revealed that their beards weren’t a statement of superior masculinity, but rather, a sign of their underlying greed. It turns out their beards are being grown thanks to a wager between the pair on whoever shaves first has to buy the other's coffee for the entire year. Firstly, how much coffee are you guys drinking? There is easily three months of growth on your chins. Is John Kosmina also involved in this bet? Is that why neither of you are willing to concede? And don’t get me started on the fact that they’re ‘betting’, or as its better known as, ‘sinning’. Greed is not what beards are about. Beards are suppose to be the epitome of masculinity and I’m sorry, but ‎frappuccinos and chai lattes don’t align to that ideology.
[*EDIT* Just pretend I left the funny, defamatory and partnership-ending bit in here, laugh, say it was DEFINITELY your favourite bit, and then enjoy this bit I did leave in, ta... - KA]
This season, SBS will be awarding the Les Murray Medal to the best on-field performer, based on the results of a 3-2-1 point system that will be given after every match. Since there’s already the Johnny Warren Medal, the Alex Tobin Medal, the Joe Marston Medal, the Craig Foster Cup, the Kosmina-Muscat Trophy, and the Lucas Neill Scholarship, I guess they were running out of people to honour by naming an award after. Just be thankful that Les Murray exists, or this might had been named the Golden Neil Evans Medal, or the Jesse Fink Award Of Excellence.
Success is a subjective term
This Saturday will be a celebration of mediocrity at Allianz Stadium as Brett Emerton is set to earn his 50th appearance for Sydney FC, with a grand total of 49 of those games being unequivocally awful. Emerton’s return to Australian football has been… well… if you’re being polite, would be best described as ‘disappointing’. If you’re not being polite, however, you would describe it ‘as though he has brought along a dark, soul draining force, that siphons your football side’s hopes and ambitions, along with any enthusiasm you once had for life’. Sure, Sydney may have only played two games, but after Saturday’s performance, it's hard to imagine this is going to be a successful season for ol’ Brett here. Which gets you thinking, who is the A-League’s most least successful players? The most successful at not being successful? The winners of losing, if you will. The following list of players have a very dusty trophy case as none of them can claim to have felt the touch of the Premiers Plate or Whatever The Dunny Seat One Is Called. So if you see these guys being signed up by your club, consider it a concession for the title race, as these are the top 10 least successful players of the A-League:
1. Leo Bertos 156 games without a trophy
2. Jamie Coyne 141 games without a trophy
3. Liam Reddy 138 games without a trophy
4. Tony Lochhead 131 games without a trophy
5. Shane Smeltz 122 games without a trophy
5. Scott Jamieson 122 games without a trophy
5. Manny Muscat 122 games without a trophy
5. Tim Brown 122 games without a trophy
9. Cassio 121 games without a trophy
10. Ben Sigmund 116 games without a trophy