1) When you hear the name Kaba Diawara, your first thought is a rattling crossbar at a wet Elland Road.
2) You’ve come to accept that all signings taking the No.9 shirt will forever be cursed.
3) However weird Sol Campbell gets in his post-football career, he’ll always be a legend for the way he quit Spurs for Arsenal.
4) You once tried to grow a passion patch goatee thing because Bobby Pires had one… knowing full well it looked ridiculous.
5) It’s easier to recite Brian Moore’s Anfield ‘89 commentary than it is to remember your other half’s birthday.
6) When you know we’re by far the greatest team the world has ever seen… who still adhere to FFP.
7) THAT picture of Arsene Wenger on a waterslide can make you smile no matter how many times you lose away at Stoke.
8) You know how to spell Wojciech Szczesny without Googling it.
9) You still follow Emmanuel Frimpong on Twitter for no apparent reason.
10) When you go out for dinner with two billionaires but they let you foot the bill at a Little Chef.
11) You can't hear the song Volare without thinking of Patrick Vieira striding majestically through midfield.
12) When you tell people that Quincy Owusu-Abeyie was the original stepover king. Cristiano who?
13) When you see Highbury now and you don't see flats - you still see the green of the pitch from the first time you ever walked up the stairs.
14) Jurassic Park feels like a slanderous representation of dinosaurs – they're green and cuddly (and great for solemn photos like this one).
15) When you've had fewer hot dinners than Abou Diaby has had injuries.
16) You know every two-bit central defender who played in any European league between 2006 and 2012.
17) The words 'Like a new signing' give you flashbacks – especially when you'd really like a new signing.
18) When you hear them talk about deadline day on Sky Sports and you think "Damn, that Minnesota dentist has done it again".
19) Every time you watch the video of the Michael Thomas goal at Anfield there's a part of you that's afraid he's held onto the ball too long.
20) No matter how long it's been since you won the league, you can still stay 'Yeah, but you never won it without losing a game, did you?', before, as the kids might say, dropping the mic.
21) Whatever resentment you might have for the modern Chelsea, if you're of a certain age you still bear a grudge for the game in '90/91 when defeat at Stamford Bridge meant those title winners didn't become Invincible.
22) No matter how hard you try, you simply can't make any sense of Park Chu-young, while the irony of Andre Santos being caught speeding wasn't lost on you.
23) You prefer JVC to Sharp, Sega to Nintendo, and O2 to Vodafone. When it comes to using a Middle-Eastern airline as a hub to reach the far corners of the globe, you're not that bothered.