9. Manchester United
Is this a FIFA gathering? A weekly haircut for Marcus Rashford? A Jesse Lingard-led rave? Either way we’re not sure they’ve grasped the full idea, staying still for around 16 seconds before bursting into dance. Just another thing Jose needs to get in order. 3/10
8. Juventus
Surely the Turin giants have more to offer. Low-key, short and sweet – unlike Giorgio Chiellini. 4/10
7. England
Jamie Vardy broke his goalscoring duck against Spain and celebrated by standing still – quite unlike his hare-like playing style. A noble but ambitious effort that earned the support of his team-mates – but the on-pitch attempt was always going to be restricting. 5/10
Next page: Because of course they get much better...
6. Sunderland
Statuesque displays in the Premier League have ensured their place at the bottom of the table, and there’s room for improvement here too in a fairly unimaginative routine. Everyone spots Steven Pienaar moving his mouth. 6/10
5. Borussia Dortmund
Flawless if unspectacular effort from your mate’s favourite second team: there’s some excellent gurning from Andre Schurrle and the concentration on Marco Reus’s face is impeccable. 7/10
4. Spain
Having stood pretty still for Vardy’s goal, la Roja tried again – this time from the safe confines of a Wembley dressing room. Jose Callejon gives the game away from the get-go and Lucas Vazquez’s left arm wobbles like Bruce Grobbelaar’s legs, but there’s some amusing fruit-based japery and Pepe Reina’s cavernous gob is a sight to behold. 8/10
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3. PSG
Magnificent effort from the Parisians in their club shop, conducted on a grand scale and executed strongly. Some more player participation would have sealed it – those cameos from Hatem Ben Arfa, Maxwell and Lucas don’t quite cut the mustard – but an all-round triumph for the French giants. 8/10
2. Portugal
Like we needed another reason to see a half-naked Cristiano Ronaldo. But this is spectacular work from the European champions: CR7 somehow manages to steal a busy and clever scene, with only one player (sorry, William Carvalho) showing his hand. Someone should really return Bruno Alves to Madame Tussauds, though. 9/10
1. Belgium
Sensational stuff from the Red Devils: full squad participation and variety make for an expertly choreographed production – and particular kudos to Jan Vertonghen, we say. It’s not full marks – the odd cock-up was bound to creep in (don’t think we didn’t see that yoghurt slip, Jan) – but it’s our winner. Bravo, Belgium. 9.5/10
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