Atlético go for Abel replacement

They may be completely unable to agree on the colour of ham or be in the same room together, but the terrible twins running Atlético Madrid have met in the middle over the appointment of Abel Resino as the side’s manager for next season.

Or the first few weeks of it anyway.

Club president Enrique Cerezo and the spawn of Jesus Gil, Miguel Angel, have decided to hand the former Rojiblanco goalkeeper a year’s extension to his previously very short contract for the admirable achievement of sneaking Atleti into a fourth-placed finish.

However, La Liga Loca’s Atlético man on-the-inside has nudge-nudge wink-winked that Cerezo wanted Juande Ramos as their sacking stooge for the new campaign rather than Resino.

El País joined in the conspiracy fun by reporting that Gil has been working behind his boss’ back on the Abel deal, in the same way that the Atlético Delegate General kicked Javier Aguirre out of the club without so much as an SMS to the out-of-the-loop Enrique.

And this perhaps explains Mr President’s ‘Hey, everyone, just chill’ attitude on the week’s contract speculation.

“I don’t understand why everyone’s in such a hurry,” shrugged Cerezo.

Cerezo: "What's happening?"

Incidentally, for those wondering whatever happened to Javier Aguirre, the flat-topped trainer is now managing the Mexico national side through its post-Sven season and has completely recovered from his excellent experiences down at the Vicente Calderón.

“I’ve been to a neurologist, a cardiologist, a dentist, a nutritionist, I’ve lost weight and back exercising,” beamed a fit-as-a-spaniel Aguirre after his 31 months running the Rojiblancos.

And Aguirre is now looking to bring his managerial stylings to the Premier League in the near future.

“My dream is to go to England. I’ve made some contacts there this year and I think my destiny will be to head there in 2011. I’m sure of it.”

Getafe have also made a move in the managerial market and made Michel their main man for the next two campaigns - the footballing equivalent of being stuck with Spanish gossip harpy Belén Esteban after a nuclear holocaust and realising she’ll have to make do for the survival of the human race.

(Ed: Parental guidance advised on an Esteban image search.)

Oop North, Osasuna have rewarded José Antonio Camacho for his efforts in keeping the club up with more of the same for next season.

And Villarreal have been fast-as-lightning kung-fu-fighting by appointing Ernesto Valverde – who took Athletic Bilbao and Espanyol into Europe before going to Olympiacos – as the replacement for Third-Choice Chilean Manuel Pellegrini.

Valverde to the fore as Pellegrini disappears

Just about everyone has gone to ground in Betis-land - probably for their own safety - although manager José Maria Nogúes admits that he will be stepping down after just a few short months in charge of the relegated club.

“I had the chance to show I could work in La Primera,” chirped the straw-clutching coach.

The unfortunate sap expected to bring Betis back to the big time is ex-Málaga manager Antonio Tapia, who stifled his giggles by describing the role as “an amazing job.”

The great news is that one of the managerial heavyweights of Spain may be returning to the peninsula for more action. And in a worse mood than normal.

Having been fired by Fenerbahce, Luis Aragonés was approached by an intrepid Spanish TV reporter who asked after his feelings over his dismissal.

The former Spain coach considered his options and responded: “Why don’t you f*ck off, you moron?”

And there was more bad language to be heard in what was an entertainingly awful week for Ramón Calderón.

First off, the former Real Madrid president was back in court to answer questions on his involvement (or otherwise) in the alleged vote-rigging at the 2006 presidential election.

And this is not to be confused with the court case investigating his involvement with alleged ballot-tinkering at the club’s AGM in December.

“I left [Real Madrid] so I would be left in peace,” complained Calderón. “But I’ve not managed it.”

On Thursday, Ramón got to fulfil one of his duties as the head of the Spanish FA’s centenary celebrations by opening an exhibition in a shopping centre - a speech that was drowned out by a booing and barracking 200-strong crowd.

La Liga Loca knew that megaphone would come in handy one day.

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