La Liga Loca is breathing a big old sigh of relief, today. ItÃ¢ÂÂs a terrific Tuesday filled with peace and goodwill to everyone. Even Deportivo. But not Betis, mind.
Not only have Penelope and her sister left the penthouse after an exhausting weekend, but the Bernd Schuster sacking story has fizzled away to nothing like an AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid season and the derby is finally over. Reporting proper, grown-up, breaking news involves hard work, dedication and professionalism - not exactly the blogÃ¢ÂÂs greatest strengths. However, life has returned to relative normality in La Liga. And this means that your daily dose of footballing diphtheria can now return to its much-favoured state... irrelevant and out of touch. With these two adjectives in mind, what better place to begin todayÃ¢ÂÂs tidings than with MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs 70th anniversary back-slapping bash - a gala evening attended by King Juan Carlos no less, proving that royalty cannot always swan about at the tax payerÃ¢ÂÂs expense and do as they please. The group photo of the event showed Spanish sport and its reporting at its finest - a snapshot featuring 65 men in dark suits and just seven women. Five, if you donÃ¢ÂÂt count the Queen nor, Community of Madrid leader, Esperanza Aguirre, who the blog doubts even qualifies as human. Attempting to upstage his and her Maj during this celebration of smugness were RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n and Joan Laporta with Marca gushing that they Ã¢ÂÂshowed that the Ã¢ÂÂgood feelingÃ¢ÂÂ between them is never hidden and last night was no exception.Ã¢ÂÂ La Liga Loca has just one plea for this presidential pair. Get a room. Please. It will hurl itself out of a window - or just hurl - if it catches sight of more of their mutual complementing, Ã¢ÂÂwe share the same tailorÃ¢ÂÂ, Ã¢ÂÂoh you must come to my golf club dinnerÃ¢ÂÂ faux chumminess. And not to mention the way the dullard duo greet each other in the classic Spanish alpha male style - with both hands grasping the other oneÃ¢ÂÂs shoulders. As both CalderÃÂ³n and Laporta have egos the size of Portugal, itÃ¢ÂÂs as if they are about to attempt a fox-trot, every time they embrace. The blog calls on them to start behaving in a more suitable manner, as with Betis and Sevilla, whose directors often try and throw each other down stairs when the two parties come across each other. La Liga Loca moves away from Madrid now to Mestalla and the news that the permanently irate IvÃÂ¡n Helguera is now an ex-Valencia player. And itÃ¢ÂÂs not due to the clubÃ¢ÂÂs overburdened bean counters wanting to reduce the headcount, but down to the defenderÃ¢ÂÂs contract being terminated for Ã¢ÂÂsporting reasonsÃ¢ÂÂ. The ex-Madridista has always been a bit of moaning Minnie and was often thought to be the source of those Ã¢ÂÂdissenting voices in the dressing roomÃ¢ÂÂ stories during the Galactico meltdown.Angry IvÃÂ¡n was at it again last week when he decided to vent his spleen over being a non-starter for Unai Emery, by rewriting one of his managerÃ¢ÂÂs motivational speeches on the dressing room white-board. The big man in Mestalla is blessed with many attributes, but a sense of humour is not one of them. So after telling the players that Ã¢ÂÂthe bell is my signal, not yoursÃ¢ÂÂ and that he could stand there all day if necessary, Helguera finally owned up to the naughtiness and found himself packing his bags hours later.The fallout continues from the worst clash in La Liga since Royston Drenthe last trusted his GPS with the news that, Sporting goalkeeper, IvÃÂ¡n CuÃÂ©llar is out for at least the next four months with a broken ankle after his dreadful mid-air collision with AthleticÃ¢ÂÂs Carlos Gupegui on Sunday evening. The Basque midfielder also suffered severely, having had his nose broken and subsequently operated on on Monday. Finally, if you are looking for some Christmas cheer then head to the freezing wastelands of Valladolid, where itÃ¢ÂÂs jingle bells all the way after the side won 13 points of the last 15. Ã¢ÂÂThe team is continuously feeling good, happy, ambitious and focussed,Ã¢ÂÂ hummed NÃÂ©stor Cannobio, possibly the smuggest man in Spain.After the editor of Marca, perhaps.