Black Cats, Super Swedes and a force of nature

Monday morning's office chat centres around David Haye's annihilation of Audley Harrison aka A-Farce, sorry A-Force.

“Where'd you watch the fight?” my boss asks me.

“In central London... ended up being a pretty messy night,” I reply still feeling the effects of Saturday night's love affair with Jack Daniels.

“So you missed Match of the Day then? There were some great goals this weekend. Johan Elmander scored an incredible goal for Bolton.”

“I missed MOTD, but I've seen the goals.”

“Record it?”

“No, watched the goals on my phone.”

His face contorts with puzzlement. “What?” he says.

I swivel round to his desk and show him EPSN Goals on my Sony Ericsson XPERIA smartphone and explain how this app allows me to watch videos of all the goals and highlights from all Barclays Premier League matches over the next three seasons – within minutes of the action on the pitch.

“I bet this costs a few quid though?” he says in a bid to find a flaw.

“Nope – it's free for the next three months because I bought the Sony Ericsson XPERIA smartphone this month.”

There's a moment's silence before we start waxing lyrical about Elmander's pirouette past a squadron of dumbstruck Wolves defenders and precision finish.

It doesn't take long for my boss to start bemoaning West Ham's goalless draw with Blackpool, which leaves them propping up the table.

I quickly move the conversation onto my beloved Arsenal and their 2-1 at Goodison Park against Everton.

“Did you watch the game yesterday?” he asks.

“Nah, had to go to my nan's,” I say.

“Shame. Did you miss Chelsea getting spanked by Sunderland as well? Nedum Onuoha scored an amazing goal.”

“Missed the game, but I've seen the goals from both games. Onuoha's was sick,” I say, before realising I just spoke like a 16-year-old rude boy.

He opens his mouth to ask how, but slaps the head brake on before he can make a fool of himself. I hold up my phone.

“ESPN Goals?”, he asks.

“Yeah, watched the goals in the toilet.”

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