BotN: Ronaldo: “Ronaldo? Ronaldo, Ronaldo, Ronaldo. Ronaldo-Ronaldo. Ronaldo!”

The Back of the Net gang report on Czech Republic 0-1 Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo delivered the knockout blow for Cristiano Ronaldo against the Czech Republic, to send a jubilant Cristiano Ronaldo through to the semi-finals.

The goal was no more than Cristiano Ronaldo deserved, after a commanding performance in which Cristiano Ronaldo was particularly dominant.The Czechs had no answer to Cristiano Ronaldo’s spirited running, his ominous presence on the shoulder of the last defender, nor his influential movement that created a number of gilt-edged chances, many of them falling to Cristiano Ronaldo.

Cristiano Ronaldo had a shot charged down by the Czech goalkeeper in the 25th minute, and placed an overhead kick just wide minutes later. Cristiano Ronaldo also came close with two free kicks, shot just over from the edge of the area, and rifled a shot off the post after superb work by Cristiano Ronaldo.

"We all dream of a team of Posti....errrrm....Ronaldos!"

But Cristiano Ronaldo in particular was not to be denied forever, and after Cristiano Ronaldo had again gone close, Cristiano Ronaldo got in front of his man to power home a 79th-minute header from eight yards, to send Cristiano Ronaldo fans into raptures.

“Cristiano Ronaldo just wanted it more tonight,” said Cristiano Ronaldo, speaking on behalf of Cristiano Ronaldo. “If Cristiano Ronaldo is to go all the way in this competition, you can be sure Cristiano Ronaldo will have a lot to do with it, despite him being an insufferable, pampered, pettish, self-lubricating godemiche of a man.”

Cristiano Ronaldo dominated possession against the Czechs, who showed little attacking intent, and whose limited style is unlikely to be mourned following their elimination by Cristiano Ronaldo.

“Some people will say that football was the real winner tonight,” continued Cristiano Ronaldo. “But they’re wrong, of course. The real winner tonight was Cristiano Ronaldo.”

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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