The merry mentalist answers bizarre questions from FourFourTwo, and confuses even us...
Legend has it that you bellow, “You’ve been Frimponged!” at defeated opponents when you tackle them. Is this actually true?
Is that really your first question?
They’re going to get worse.
[Laughs] The Arsenal fans started the ‘You’ve been Frimponged’ chant after I tackled Lucas from Liverpool.
When was the last time you Frimponged someone?
I haven’t Frimponged in a long time. People have been Frimponging me.
You’ve gone from Frimponger to Frimpongee?
Yeah. [Stiliyan] Petrov booted me in the eye, then Joey Barton Frimponged me.
A shame. You once said you’d ride your bicycle to Ghana should you be given the chance to play for the Black Stars. How long would that take?
To be honest, I haven’t got a bike. I don’t even know how to ride one. I’ve got a car but I wouldn’t drive it to Ghana.
You released a range of T-shirts with Lethal Bizzle with the word ‘Dench’ on them. What does it mean?
Me and Bizzle just sit around the house making up words. We were playing FIFA, he scored a goal, and we started saying ‘dench’ to celebrate. We were hungry for some money, so we made up the T-shirts, and they’ve sold really well.
Have you made up any more gibberish lately?
I couldn’t tell you our new words – if I did nobody would buy the shirts. It’s got to be a surprise.
Kling-kling, you know what I ming-ming?
We’re afraid we don’t know what you ming-ming.
Let’s move on. Are you aware of Dame Judi Dench, the great thespian?
I know who she is. She’s got nothing to do with our Dench.
Fair enough. Just how lethal is Lethal Bizzle?
Very lethal. He’s a smart guy. He’s fun to be around, he’s funny and very chilled. He’s not very lethal on the football pitch, though: he’s a bit “leave it!”
You rapped on one of his singles. Are you a better lyric-spitter than Andy Cole and Gazza?
They ain’t gonna come nowhere near me, man! I’m number one in the world – football and rapper. Footballer-slash-rapper. That’s my new thing... I’ll go anywhere the money is [laughs].
Bizzle is also cousins with footballer Quincy Owusu-Abeyie. What kind of a name is Quincy?
I don’t know, but I know quite a few Quincys.
Ever seen the US medical TV drama Quincy?
Yeah, but I’m not a fan.
Who is TV’s best doctor, then? Dr Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show? Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman maybe?
Dr Karl Kennedy from Neighbours.
Would you like Dr Karl to work on your cruciate ligament injury?
Nah, we’re going to need someone a bit more qualified for that.
Fair point – he’s a bogus doctor. Who else do you like from the soaps?
Jamie Mitchell from EastEnders. I love that show. My mum’s made me watch it since I was young. My favourite character is Jamie – we’re friends. Me and Bizzle met him out driving. We got our picture taken with him; he’s a cool guy.
Your name is an anagram of ‘Pummel Moaning Ref’. Have you ever fancied pummeling one of those whistle-blowing rotters?
What do you mean by pummeling?
It’s basically the same as Frimponging.
Smacking them? Nah, I’m a lover, not a fighter!
Good news. Finally, do you ever have peculiar dreams?
I don’t really remember them. Although... this is embarrassing... I did have one where I woke up and I’d wet myself. I was nine or 10.
A candid admission. How did you deal with the mess?
I told my mum and she dealt with it. People don’t like admitting things like that but loads of people have done it, haven’t they?
Some of us still do. Cheers for chatting, Emmanuel.
Interview: Nick Moore. From the September 2012 issue of FourFourTwo.