With the midweek friendly between England and Denmark failing to excite fans, the FA’s marketing team appears to be adopting an unusually existential approach...
England and Denmark are preparing to reignite a rivalry that has been largely forgotten since the Viking invasion of 789 AD.
But oddly, the nation appears to have responded lethargically to the prospect of its heroes taking on the likes of Nicklas Bendtner and the initial marketing campaign of: ‘Can Roy’s Men Avenge The Sacking of Monkwearmouth-Jarrow Abbey?’ fell flat.
With just 48 hours until kick-off, just 15 tickets had been sold, with several of those believing they had purchased entrance to ‘The Vikings Are Coming…’ at the British Museum.
In an attempt to turn things around, the FA have launched a last-minute poster campaign stressing that a friendly between England and Denmark is no more pointless than existence itself.
“England vs Denmark: Why do we do anything when you think about it?” one poster announces while another insists: “It’s no more pointless than life itself.”
A two-page spread in many national newspapers has a picture of Bendtner narrowly missing a decent headed chance with the slogan: “Watching Bendtner is narrowly better than sitting in a dark room counting down the minutes until your inevitable death.”
International friendlies as a whole have lost favour with many fans due to players’ tentative performances in order to avoid injury, the tendency for both sides to substitute the entire starting 11 within 20 minutes and the unpopular practice of the teams spending the last 20 minutes knitting each other souvenirs.