Arguments on the pitch tend to result in handbags more than anything, but Nick Moore picks out some of the occasions when proper brawls have broken out. All together now: "We don't like to see that!"
1. Carlos Diogo vs Luis Fabiano, 2007
Outside the realms of UFC, most fighting is essentially pathetic: face-saving nonsense, bravado and chest-puffery – a dance performed until both participants can back down with their egos intact.
This display of peacocking from Diogo of Real Zaragoza and Fabiano of Sevilla contains several key ingredients: the rutting-goat forehead push, the gentle neck-shove, and finally, the kind of classic windmilling that wouldn’t seriously damage a Mary Berry raspberry mille-feuille.
2. Helmut Haller vs Tommy Gemmel, 1969
A beautiful two-part spat that belongs in a cartoon: with West Germany leading Scotland 3-2 in a World Cup qualifier in Hamburg, Gemmel was scythed down cynically by the German midfielder. The Celtic man immediately saw red, haring after his assailant and sticking a robust size 10 up his arsch.
3. Toros Neza vs Jamaican national side, 1997
The least friendly friendly of all time, this pre-season warm-up between the Mexican league side and the Reggae Boyz descended into total war after a robust tackle sparked tempers. Standard pushing and shoving rapidly devolved into an insane cocktail of blindside clotheslines, flying kicks, and one poor sod even getting hit over the head with a shoe.
Several Jamaicans then depart to a nearby crop of woodland and return with sticks and large rocks with which to escalate the maiming. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Miguel Herrera – the hot-headed former Mexico manager who was sacked in 2015 for assaulting a journalist – is tooled up and right in the middle of the mayhem.