As Kaka packs, the duckling quacks
Have we all missed something here? Why does Alexandre Pato want to speak to Carlo Ancelotti before he discusses his future with AC Milan?
And why is he speaking to the Chelsea coach when he is under contract at Milan Ã¢ÂÂ until 2012, if he cares to read the less than fine print?
Yes, once again when a player is on international duty his head is filled with all manner of voices promising riches beyond his wildest possible dreams.
"I wish I could fly..."
For Brazilians in particular, their international get-togethers are a vibrant AladdinÃ¢ÂÂs cave of untold treasures.
And having witnessed Ricky Kaka time his exit to Madrid just when he happens to be as far away from Italy as possible, the teenager and those around him are ready to board the gravy train as well.
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It now remains to be seen where they will get off Ã¢ÂÂ and worryingly it looks ever more likely that it will be London and not a return ticket to Milan.
Pato is only 19, and speaks as if he is still in short trousers: during a press conference at the start of the week it was Ã¢ÂÂProfessorÃ¢ÂÂ Ancelotti this, Ã¢ÂÂProfessorÃ¢ÂÂ Ancelotti that every time he opened his mouth.
Ã¢ÂÂBefore I speak to Milan I will talk to Professor Ancelotti,Ã¢ÂÂ he had the temerity to reveal. Ã¢ÂÂHeÃ¢ÂÂs an extraordinary manÃ¢ÂÂ¦ yada, yada, yadaÃ¢ÂÂ¦ it would be an honour to play for Chelsea.oÃ¢ÂÂ
His nickname is Ã¢ÂÂThe DuckÃ¢ÂÂ and he sure knows how to quack.
"Alex! Take the A4 to Malpensa Airport and a flight to Heathrow"
He even slipped into calling Brazil coach Dunga Ã¢ÂÂProfessorÃ¢ÂÂ - demonstrating that whatever the classroom, heÃ¢ÂÂs the teacherÃ¢ÂÂs pet.
Where does this leave the teenager and his relationship with Milan Ã¢ÂÂ and in particular Leonardo, who has helped the kid overcome his almost chronic shyness and settle into the hurly-burly of life in Italy?
He obviously did too good a job, but hopefully Leo has been on the phone to his protÃÂ©gÃÂ© to inform him that he will also be a Ã¢ÂÂProfessorÃ¢ÂÂ very soon when he gains his coaching badge come early July.
But itÃ¢ÂÂs all very unsettling; no wonder fans are becoming disillusioned with the game when many Italians cannot afford a bucket and spade for the beach this summer.
Milan will now have to either accept another star is off or use part of the Kaka fee to hand Pato an improved contract Ã¢ÂÂ threatening Silvio BerlusconiÃ¢ÂÂs plans for a wage-cap on all new signings.
Earning less than a teenager canÃ¢ÂÂt be a big draw for a potential new signing Ã¢ÂÂ unless it happens to be Edin Dzeko.
Post-Kaka, the Rossoneri have set their sights on the strapping Wolfsburg striker who was voted best player in the Bundesliga last season.
Hardly a household name outside Lower Saxony and certainly not worth the 30m Euro asking price Ã¢ÂÂ especially as he is Bosnian and would thus fill the squadÃ¢ÂÂs final non-EU slot, which could be better taken up by, letÃ¢ÂÂs say, the Brazilian Hernanes if Andrea Pirlo also decides his future lies on the Kings Road.
However, Dzeko only (only!) earns 600,000 Euro a year in Germany and Milan will more than triple that to offer him a five-year contract at 2m Euro per season Ã¢ÂÂ ÃÂ£33,000 per week.
"Yay! I can buy some Brasso!"
ItÃ¢ÂÂs all relative, of course, as a Chelsea reserve player probably brings home somewhere in the region of that amount Ã¢ÂÂ something that Pato and his agent, Gilmar Veloz, are no doubt well aware.
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