La Liga’s dullest deadline day ever

If the Premier League’s final day of the winter window was a giant paella of SKY TV excitement, la Liga’s was a manky grain of rice sitting at the side of the pan with just six piddling transfers being made in the final few hours in Spain.

Perky Carolina from Gol TV had been sent to the offices of the LFP where she made the giddy-eyed promise of fax machines whirring away, churning out contract details of Andrés Iniesta heading to his secret love team of Espanyol and Cristiano Ronaldo enjoying the Pamplona experience so much, on Sunday, the forward had decided to opt to play for Osasuna for the rest of his days.

After all, that must be the only explanation for the Real Madrid man reportedly asking Walter Pandiani what he earned during a tiff in Sunday’s encounter. Anything else would suggest that Ronaldo is a classless twit - and LLL certainly won’t stand for that...

Instead, naff all happened. Indeed, the bone-idle bigwigs at the league HQ couldne’t even be bothered to arrange next week’s kick-off times whilst they were twiddling their incompetent thumbs. Then again, their thumbs may well have been somewhere quite inaccessible at the time.

Barcelona and Real Madrid had done their bit of business early doors with the Dream Boys signing Afellay (remember him?) in December and last week’s arrival of Adebayor through the gates of Mordor.

Málaga offloaded a couple of players to make room for their five new arrivals who have since taken the southern side to the bottom of the table with admirable speed, whilst Racing Santander boosted the local disco business by bringing Giovani dos Santos back to Spain on loan from Spurs. The Cantabrian club apparently failed in their attempts to bring Nikola Zigic over from Birmingham for his third spell with the side.

Deportivo boosted the team's striking prowess with a stunning deadline day move. Not really. Miguel Angel Lotina’s panicked and brought Xisco over on loan from Newcastle after a stunning and prolonged spell of nothingness in the North East.

Espanyol made the most money in the window with the sales of Víctor Ruiz to Napoli and Dídac to Milan bringing in €10 million to boost the Perico coffers. Atlético managed the impressive feat of being the biggest net spenders with a splurge of €8.8 million on Elías and Juanfran but still ending up with the smallest squad in la Primera of just 19 players, with the club having carelessly disposed of Camacho, Simao, Juanito and Asenjo along the way.

So it’s no wonder that Kun Agüero was hastily dragged before the press on Monday as a diversionary tactic having extended his contract at the Vicente Calderón club until 2014 and reduced his buy-out clause from €60m to €45m. “I want to stay until 2014,” admitted Kun, “but football is like it is and I could be here one, two or three more years.”

With so little movement to get the juices flowing - unless Jefferson Montero’s loan spell with Levante yanks yer crank - it’s not surprising that the news on Tuesday is dominated by players who didn’t go anywhere at all - namely Diego Forlán and Giuseppe Rossi - who both appear to have been targets for Harry Redknapp.

Royston Drenthe is another footballer who failed to move a muscle, much to his dismay, as the club the Dutchman is now stuck at Hércules until the end of the season where things aren’t going well at all. “I’m sad they didn’t let me go to Juventus,” complained ‘Ricky’ on an offer from the Serie A side. “Juve wanted me and Madrid were 100% in agreement, everything seemed ok but they said no.”