It has been confirmed that Liverpool have paid £29 million for Hoffenheim’s Roberto Firmino after being convinced to add in several costly Roberto Firmino add-ons.
Liverpool had been close to agreeing a £15m deal with the German club before it was pointed out to them that there were several crucial extras that Firmino owners would need to maximise their enjoyment.
After initially insisting he would be happy to take Firmino as he was, Liverpool’s chief executive Ian Ayre was eventually convinced that he may as well stock up on Firmino-related products, taking the total to £29m.
“I didn’t really think we’d end up spending £29 million and I still can’t quite see how it came to that,” Ayre told FourFourTwo.
“But when I thought about it there’s no point buying Firmino but not getting Firmino’s Cheshire mansion to put him in, and Firmino’s ostentatious SUV which is just another £100,000.
“Then Hoffenheim pointed out that if we paid just a little more we could get a free service each year and a coating of anti-scratch paint.
“And once we’d invested £25 million, we might as well have got an extended warranty. We really regretted just buying the basic Mario Balotelli package.
“Now we’re stuck with him knocking around the place; we can’t even sell him on eBay, even with Mario’s souped-up Ferrari and Mario's inflated sense of self-worth.”
By contrast, Liverpool paid just £3.5m for Joe Gomez, who comes with a Ford Focus and a Rileys membership card.
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