The porn star-jettisoning, stomach ulcered weekend La Liga predictions

Saturday

Zaragoza (20th) v Villarreal (3rd)

It was a truly bone-warming, wonderful sight to see the greying flat-top of Javier Aguirre back in la Liga again taking charge of his new club against Getafe on Monday evening.

The Mexican manager had taken a sidestep from Spain to look after his national side in the World Cup having been sacked by Atlético just over a year ago, but has made a very welcome return to la Primera to take charge of the makeshift ship of Zaragoza - a club where he has awful lot of work to do if they are to stay up.

Another coach who is more secure in his life space this week is mean and moody Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido, who has had his contract extended to 2014. This hopefully means four more years of picking fights with his rival managers as he has managed to do with Pep Guardiola and Unai Emery in the last couple of weeks.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sevilla (7th) v Getafe (12th)

Despite the best efforts of the air-shot supremo and Getafe goalkeeper, Jordi Codina, Míchel the Manager managed to hang onto his job for just a little a bit longer after a mighty 1-1 draw at home against the league’s worst team, Real Zaragoza, on Monday night.

However, Getafe are still without a win in the league in four games, and the coach didn’t really seem to have the backing of the fans - those that turned up projected a few naughty-worded songs in his direction.

AS is speculating that former Almería man Hugo Sánchez is primed, pumped and ready to move into Míchel’s hot seat, should the day come, with Getafe president, Angel Torres reportedly having fancied the Mexican back when the Coliseum club won promotion from la Segunda in 2004 before instead appointing Quique Sánchez Flores.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (6th) v Espanyol (4th)

Those of a gambling bent might see Espanyol’s hifalutin fourth place combined with Atlético’s peculiar ways as a cheeky chance for an away win bet. They’d be wrong to do so. Espanyol’s Champions League berth has been built on a home record that sees six wins from six. And not much else.

Away from the Catalan capital, Espanyol are a useful as...well, Javier Arizmendi...with just one win, one draw and one goal scored on their travels.

Meanwhile Atleti club president, Enrique Cerezo, has been all with the ‘I don’t like to talk about referees but I do anyway’ by celebrating the Rojiblancos first spot-kick of the season, scored by Simao last week away at Real Sociedad.

“I’m the first to defend their job,” boasted the Atleti head honcho supportively. “Except in the game against Villarreal. That was something else,” retorted Cerezo on match when Atleti felt they should have been given about ten penalties. 

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Sporting (17th) v Real Sociedad (9th)

Because of the spit, spat and all the nonsense that took place between Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado and José Mourinho before their Primera clash a couple of weeks ago, the FA’s Anti-Violence Commission had announced that it was going to look into and report on the incidents. Strangely, that report and possible recommendation for punishment has been somewhat slow in coming, which means that José Mourinho is free to return to the touchline against Barcelona in the Camp Nou.

UEFA’s wheels move much faster, however, with the Madrid manager and four players being dragged to Nyon on Tuesday to answer the case raised by the sendings off against Ajax.

It seems that the club’s lawyers as well as its players are going to be busy beavers, over the next few weeks.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (14th) v Levante (15th)

This week’s Royston Drenthe news centres around his absence from the Hércules line-up, last week, in the defeat away at Espanyol. The big gap in the Alicante’s side’s aura was due to the Dutch winger suffering from a stomach ulcer. The blog knows how he feels coming to the end of Champions League, ‘yellow card-gate’, World Cup bidding and Clásico week.

Get well soon.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (16th) v Deportivo (13th)

There was even more good news for Deportivo, this week, with the side on a bit of a run at the moment to move the goal-shy Galician club into mid-table. Super striker extraordinaire, Riki, is ruled out until the end of the year having suffered an appendicitis, last Friday.

Despite this boost to Depor’s chances on Sunday against Racing and a streak that has seen three wins from four, maestro of misery and Depor boss, Miguel Angel Lotina, had to bring the euphoria down a notch or two by fretting over the possible departure of out of contract players next summer to balance the club’s books.

“The ideas (of reducing the debt) is very good...but staying in la Primera is key,” intoned Lotina.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (8th) v Málaga (18th)

With Marca believing Manuel Pellegrini is the devil incarnate, the new Málaga boss unsurprisingly chose their rivals, AS, as his newspaper of choice for a bit of a chat on Thursday. And as ever, the great Chilean refused to strip to the waist and get down and dirty with some manly Marca booty-kicking, which the paper fully deserves.

“They fulfill an important role in this country, across many areas from sporting to social,” opined Pellegrini on Spain’s football press. “In many ways they have an economic function too but when they have the necessary objectivity, I have found they have been very respectful to me.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Athletic Bilbao (10th) v Osasuna (11th)

The ‘Basque’ - in the Athletic selection policy sense of the word - derby sees one particular Osasuna player having a bit of a pop at the local rivals for their tendency to poach proud, Pamplona-born players and World Cup winners such as Javi Martínez and Fernando Llorente.

“You can’t beat Athletic for the number of Navarrans they have,” joshed Osasuna captain, Patxi Puñal, on a squad that has nine players from the region as opposed to his own side’s six, notes Marca, doing LLL’s work for it.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (5th) v Almería (19th)

Marcelino said no. Nestor Gorosito said no. Diego Simeone said no. All turned down the chance to manage Almería, this week, after the sacking of Juanma Lillo, making the blog suspect the club contract involved the words ‘concert’ ‘enforced attendance’ and ‘David Bisbal’ - Spain’s biggest and worst pop star and Almería’s most famous fan.

However, the man who took Tenerife up last season, then took them back down to la Segunda again, José Luis Oltra, said ‘yes, yes, yes’ to the role and signed his papers on Thursday.

The fourth-choice father of Almería then gave an early indication of the kind of football that local fans can enjoy this season, in the club’s probable fight against relegation. “I’ve not come here for people to say how prettily Oltra’s Almería plays.”

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Monday

Of course, all the talk should be about Mou v Pep, Messi v Ronaldo, Granero v Bojan. But what’s really exciting the interest from LLL, this week, is wondering what the heckety-heck is going on between former Barça president, Joan Laporta, and an adult film star.

This very Catalan scandal began when naughty film femme fatale, María Lapiedra (WARNING - DO NOT GOOGLE AT WORK), became part of the campaigning for Laporta’s political party, Solidaritat Catalana por la Independència, ahead of this Sunday’s local election. María even made a pop video which largely featured her lounging about in her undies singing the praises of the former King of Cataluyna.

But it seems that Laporta has got cold feet about the whole business and jettisoned poor old María. And Marca were more than happy to find out what went on between this very odd couple.

Lapiedra began the story with their first meeting. “Laporta looked at me with desire,” recalled María with relish having been introduced by a friend. “He said that he liked my tattoo on my leg, and loved my eyes. He looked me up and down.”

The actress who apparently does take an active interest in issues concerning Catalan independence said that her participation in the campaign was to show that Laporta was an open party for all. Until she was apparently dropped like a hot potato, that is.

“He doesn’t even have the balls to call me (to get rid of me),” lamented María whilst posing on a bed for Marca, in a very small Barcelona top indeed.

LLL Prediction - Goalless draw

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