Premier sketch: Missing persons

The one game that both teams were desperate to win this weekend was at Villa Park, between managerless Aston Villa and winless Everton.

Within two minutes of kick off, Villa fans were already serenading their Merseyside counterparts with the usual chorus of the age-old song “You’ll never work again.” Let’s think about it, if they could travel all over the country paying 40 pounds for a ticket every week, there’s probably a good chance they’re not on the dole.

Talking of Villa Park, who can forget one of its most famous moments in football history? That’s right the worst open goal miss of all time by Liverpool’s striker Ronnie Rosenthal. Well this weekend brought us two contenders for the Annual Ronnie Rosenthal award for open goal miss of the year.

At White Hart Lane the biggest surprise wasn’t that out of form Wigan didn’t concede another nine goals to Tottenham, rather that their forward Antolin Alcaraz failed to put away this chance from six yards out facing a gaping goal.

Meanwhile, over at the Stadium of Light, Carlos Tevez thankfully saved us all from seeing his stomach churning Mr. Whippy bum wiggling goal celebration, by somehow missing the easiest chance of his career.

City went on to rue Tevez’s miss as Sunderland’s Darren Bent converted a game winning 90 minute penalty dealing City their first loss of the season. Perhaps they need to sign a few more players before the transfer window closes.

The red side of Manchester had plenty to cheer about though; with West Ham conceding three goals a game so far, Alex Ferguson’s men dished out further punishment to the Hammers at Old Trafford.

After staying well away from football for the summer, Wayne Rooney is looking well rested, and he opened the scoring with United’s weekly penalty.  Nani grabbed an impressive second, and Dimitar Berbatov almost broke a sweat drilling in a third which gives him an early lead in our competition to see who will score more goals for United, the Bulgarian, or own goals from other teams (currently 2-1 to Berbatov).

Staying in Manchester, last week, Former homeless footballer Bebe made the trip to Old Trafford from Portugal for a staggering £7.5 million.  Fergie stunned a few people when announcing he’s the first player he’s ever signed without actually watching him play.

Does that mean he’s admitting that he saw Djemba Djemba, Ralph Milne, Massimo Tiabi, Jim Leighton, Juan Sebastian Veron, Kleberson, William Prunier, David Bellion and Jordi Cruyff play and still splashed out cash for them?

Goal of the week goes to the player whose summer transfer to Chelsea, Man City, Chelsea again, Man City again, Chelsea once more, then Barcelona, and finally Chelsea again didn’t quite go through although sources close to the player (which is a posh way of saying the story is made up) admitted the deal was, “Nailed on”, “In the bag”, and the tabloid’s favourite, “Done and dusted”. 

Liverpool’s very own Fernando Torres opened his season’s account with a stunner. His late volley turned out to be the winner against West Bromwich Albion, who could think themselves unlucky to leave Anfield without a point.

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