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Spurs target found to be carefully arranged pile of shoeboxes
Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp has admitted his disappointment after a scouting mission to watch Marseille striker Loic Remy revealed the gifted marksman to be a sturdy pile of discarded footwear containers.
The day after a 1-1 draw with Wolves ended SpursÃ¢ÂÂ 24-hour bid to win the Premier League, Redknapp jetted off to watch Remy net twice in MarseilleÃ¢ÂÂs win over Lille.
However, while the French Press continue to laud the 24-goal hitman, Redknapp wasnÃ¢ÂÂt satisfied with what he saw.
Ã¢ÂÂFrom a distance he looked the part and heÃ¢ÂÂs taken his two goals well in fairness,Ã¢ÂÂ Redknapp told Back of the Net while completing the sale of a job lot of Region-3 DVDs on Brick Lane.
Ã¢ÂÂBut late on in the game itÃ¢ÂÂs become clear that heÃ¢ÂÂs actually a collection of cardboard boxes with a shirt pulled over them and that, for me, is a concern.
Ã¢ÂÂLoicÃ¢ÂÂs had fantastic success in Ligue 1, but the Premier League is another matter. Against your Boltons and Blackburns maybe we could bounce a few off Remy, but his movement is going to let him down against the likes of your Manchester Citys, in fairness.
Ã¢ÂÂAt least this shows why it was necessary for me to fly across Europe rather than trust the word of a network of highly-paid scouts, countless videos and newspaper articles.Ã¢ÂÂ
Redknapp was also disappointed in the summer when he was forced to back out of a deal for Brazilian marksman Luis Fabiano at the 11th hour after scouts discovered he was in fact a thriving coffee shop.
The worst victims of lax scouting in recent times were Bristol Rovers, who signed Latvian international Vitalijs Astafjevs in 2000 only to later discover that he was a plural, forcing comedian turned manager Ian Holloway to field 10 men for most of the campaign.
OÃ¢ÂÂNeill creates Ã¢ÂÂstunningÃ¢ÂÂ rogan josh from contents of BruceÃ¢ÂÂs pantry
New Sunderland boss Martin OÃ¢ÂÂNeill continues to impress at the Stadium of Light after producing a delectable curry from a cupboard of ingredients Steve Bruce had written off.
The arrival of OÃ¢ÂÂNeill has seen a marked upturn in the Black CatsÃ¢ÂÂ fortunes with players, fans and staff alike praising his immediate impact and heavily insinuating their relief at BruceÃ¢ÂÂs exit.
Ã¢ÂÂWith all due respect to Brucey [Steve Bruce], MartinÃ¢ÂÂs brought a real buzz to the place,Ã¢ÂÂ defender Matthew Kilgallon enthused.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs just nice to come in to training and not feel a disorientating cocktail of revulsion and sympathy.Ã¢ÂÂ
Within an hour of his appointment, OÃ¢ÂÂNeill had already sorted out set piece marking, instigated a new fitness regime and completed a sudoku puzzle that Bruce had been battling with since this time last season.
And upon SunderlandÃ¢ÂÂs triumphant return to the North East following the recent FA Cup third round win at Peterborough, OÃ¢ÂÂNeill pulled off an equally impressive culinary tour de force at the Stadium of Light.
Flinging open a draw marked Ã¢ÂÂSteve BruceÃ¢ÂÂs stuffÃ¢ÂÂ, OÃ¢ÂÂNeill rustled up a rogan josh that wowed his squad.
Ã¢ÂÂThe gafferÃ¢ÂÂs just gone through the box and pulled out two quartered onions, some sunflower oil, four garlic cloves, a thumb-sized piece of root ginger, Madras curry paste, paprika, a cinnamon stick, six green cardamom, four cloves, two bay leaves, a tube of tomato puree, a lean leg of lamb and a tub of Greek yoghurt and before you know it heÃ¢ÂÂs made a stunning curry for us all,Ã¢ÂÂ Kilgallon explained.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs taken us all by surprise because the old gaffer [Steve Bruce] had told us he couldnÃ¢ÂÂt make anything without buying in some new ingredients.Ã¢ÂÂ