Because you are a mercenary.Because you were rubbish at Manchester United.Because you were rubbish at Chelsea.Because you canÃ¢ÂÂt dribble round a lamp post.Because you are too old to keep playing. Because you drive a Ferrari to training.
As a new decade begins, and in response to Riccardo Rossi's Serie Aaaaargh! Team of the Noughties, The Portugeezer looks back to put together the best team in the Portuguese league over the last 10 years.
OK, so he hasn't taken the reins at Hull City as predicted back in November, but after less than two months of being Ã¢ÂÂ quite literally Ã¢ÂÂ out in the cold, the son of the game's most decorated manager ever is back.