You probably often sit at home, alone, in the dark, possibly naked, wondering whether Premier League club Arsenal are better than pop sensations One Direction - well cry no more, now you have your answer...
1. They have more directions
One Direction only have one direction, but Arsenal are more than capable of moving in several, as the above Stats Zone screen shows.
2. They draw bigger Wembley crowds
Both One Direction and Arsenal played at Wembley this summer. Arsenal drew a crowd of 89,345 for their FA Cup Final against Hull City. One Direction only attracted 78,855 for each show in their three-night stint at the home of football.
3. The Gunners have won more silverware
At the time of writing, One Direction had won three Billboard Music Awards, four BRIT Awards, 19 Teen Choice Awards and nine MTV Awards (no Grammys, Ivor Novellos or Mercury Music Prizes here). Arsenal have won 13 top flight titles, 11 FA Cups, two League Cups, 13 Community/Charity Shields, one European Cup Winners' Cup and one Inter-Cities Fairs Cup. That's 41 major honours for the Gunners, and only 35 for the, er, Oners. Arsene had it under control the whole time.
4. Experience counts
Arsenal are an established force, having been formed 128 years ago. One Direction's combined age is only 105. They probably don't even remember the Spanish-American War, the idiots.
5. The North Londoners have more dosh
Earlier this year, The Sunday Times valued One Direction at £14 million a pop. Arsenal top dogs Stan Kroenke and Alisher Usmanov are both worth billions, although you probably don't want to hear them sing a schmaltzy duet about love, loss and FFP with their shirts off. Key change!
6. Arsenal are an Underground sensation
Arsenal have a tube station named after them. It's called Arsenal. One Direction don't have a tube station named after them - no, all those 'one way' signs don't count.
7. The Agbonlahor factor
Gabriel Agbonlahor clattered One Direction's Louis Tomlinson in the one match he's played against the One Directionista, before helping his team go on to win said fixture 5-3. The Aston Villa forward has only scored once in his 16 appearances against the Gunners. He clearly much prefers playing against One Direction. This is science. Or maths. Or something.
8. The haircuts
Just look at the state of Herbie over there. Young Jack, on the other hand, is slick and sophisticated. A real English rose.
9. They have better dance moves
Well, have you ever seen a member of '1D' do a chicken dance with a 6ft Mancunian on their back...?
10. Their craziest fans are more crazy
There's hiding in the bushes in the freezing cold for 82 hours on the off chance you might see lovely, lovely Zayn take the bins out - and then there's this...