VIDEO STARS OF THE WEEK: FFT.com brings you the finest and funniest action from the past seven days. Starting, of course, with own goals...
OGGY OGGY OGGY
When Brian Clough said it only takes a second to score a goal, he could have added that the same stands for own-goals. He might also have noted that you don't get extra marks for flashiness; that if a near-post header from a corner is the only goal, it'll win you the match.
Unless of course you nod it past your own keeper in the 87th minute, which is what Udinese's Brazilian defender Felipe Dal Belo Dias da Silva Ã¢ÂÂ commonly known as Felipe, or possibly now kn*b-head Ã¢ÂÂ did at home to bottom-feeders Chievo last weekend. (The clip should start in the right place, but flick back to the beginning if you'd like a bit of glove-slap red-card action.)
There's goals to be had if you make an early near-post run. Ask any decent striker Ã¢ÂÂ or unlucky defender, like Lille's Adil Rami, who nipped in first near-stick to level for Lorient.
Now, in the new FourFourTwo, we feature the "Night of the Living Dead" when League Two's bottom two teams Luton and Bournemouth Ã¢ÂÂ both of whom had had points docked Ã¢ÂÂ met at Kenilworth Road. Fittingly, the game was snowed off. And when it was finally played this Tuesday, with the teams both still in the minus points, there was only one way the first goal was going to be scored.
That said, not even Bournemouth's Ryan Garry Ã¢ÂÂ the man who got his name on the sheet Ã¢ÂÂ can be quite sure how he managed to turn the cross from Luton's Lewis Emanuel back past his own keeper. And right into the bottom corner, for good measure.
The opening spread from this month's FFT
HEADCASE FOR THE DEFENCE
Still in the bottom division, and the folks at fog-bound Accrington on Saturday saw a fine example of the defensive arts from Efe Sodje. Faced with a flick-on, Bury's bandana-wearing centre-back entertainingly decided to perform an airshot before dragging down Greg Blundell for an Accy penalty. Which was, of course, saved. It's here, a minute in.
Not that only lower-league defenders know how to mess up. Why, Danny Collins's complete inability to deal with a Bolton through-ball may have been the straw that broke Roy Keane's fragile brain.
And lest you think defensive deficiencies are restricted to these isles, they have the occasional brainstorm in La Liga, too. That said, this classic spot of reactionary wrestling on wriggling Recreativo runner Ruben came from Villarreal's Pascal Cygan. Apologies to Gooners who've just suffered an involuntary shudder. How did he think he'd get away with it? (And no, we don't mean earning a living...)
"I don't belieeeeeve it!"
KEEPERS OF THE FAITH
You know what you're going to get with Brazilian goalkeepers: unpredictability. Valencia custodian Renan, for example, obviously doesn't ascribe to the widely-held view that you shouyldn't be beaten at your near post, as he was last weekend by Betis opportunist Juanma.
And while Palermo's Marco Amelia isn't Brazilian, he certainly came hurtling off his line as if he'd realised he was late for the carnival in Rio. Sadly for him, he went crashing into Milan's Pato (who is Brazilian); even worse, the referee (not Brazilian) gave a penalty even though it was clearely outside the area. Luckily for the livid Palermo players, Amelia made amends by saving the spot-kick from Ronaldinho (who is Brazilian. Keep up.)
MEET THE MISSES
There's nothing we like more than a good sliced shot, the type to which you can't help but respond with gleeful shout of "'raaaaaaaay!". Unfortunately, unlike defensive howlers, they don't lead to goals, so videos of them are hard to come by.
Consequently and regrettably, we can't bring you Fabrice Muamba's spectacular shank at Sunderland, Marcin Mieciel's embarrassment for Bochum, Kris Commons' point-blank miss at Stoke, Heidar Helguson steering past an open goal at Palace or Jonathan Greening's woeful waft wide at Wigan. (We're all ears for ideas, though: send them to email@example.com as soon as you see 'em.)
However, there's a lesson in perseverance: don't let your head go down. Ask Maritimo's Papa Babacar Diawar. He missed an open goal at Belenenses Ã¢ÂÂ and went on to score a goal later in the game. Thankfully, we've got evidence here of the funnier part.
"I forgive you"
And so to the goals of the week from around the world. First up, a brilliantly improvised backheel from Sulley Muntari finishes off a fine move including another backheel from Julio Cruz. But Mourinho's Chelsea were boring, right?
Down to Australia now, and fans of patient build-up will love Nikita Rukavytsya's second for Perth Glory against Central Coast Mariners. This clip starts a couple of passes into a 12-man move which started deep in Perth's half and ended in the back of the net.
Less patient types will itch for volleys, and should switch from Australia to Austria, which produced this cracker at Mattersburg from Red Bull Salzburg. Karel Pitak met the deep cross with a first-time 20-yarder to which one can only say "Boom". Or perhaps "Wallop".
Surprise Bundesliga leaders Hoffenheim go to Bayern Munich tonight (Friday), and they'll be hoping their goal-bagging hero Ibisevic can do his usual deadly thang. And if it's a falling volley from a cross, like last week's effort against Bielefield, then so much the better for us all.
Fans of the wander-and-wallop will enjoy Carmelo's effort for Sporting Gijon at Espanyol. Ambling forward 30 yards from the halfway line untroubled by anything resembling a tackle, he decided to pog it one from 30 out, with joyous results. Nice backing music too.
In a similar vein, former Liverpool pine-rider Bruno Cheyrou Ã¢ÂÂ now plying his trade for Rennes Ã¢ÂÂ shrugged off a poor PSG tackle and tried his luck from range. It worked. As it did for Wellington Phoenix's Shane Smeltz against the inappropriately-named Melbourne Victory, turning his man before finding the top corner from distance.
"One day I'll be a success"
Back to Austria and Nikica JelaviÃÂ of Rapid Vienna had fun against Altach, scoring a late hat-trick as the champions ran riot 8-1; pick of the bunch was his dragback and swerved finish with the outside of foot.
Also curling into the corner was Jhonny (yes, Jhonny Ã¢ÂÂ what of it?) van Beukering of NEC Nijmegen, while from the other corner of the box, Malaga's Albert Luque (yes, that one, Toon fans) put the game beyond struggling Osasuna. (Flick back to the start of that clip for an outrageous ref-conning swan-dive.)
We also love a nicely curled free-kick, and Recreativo's Ariel Ibagaza obliged against Villarreal. Buty then, we love a lasher, like Cardiff's Joe Ledley scored in the hate-filled derby against Swansea. And we like a nice Route One goal, like the one Blackburn supplied at Old Trafford in midweek (the replay shows it best). After all, it's goals: what's not to like?
Any suggestions for the next round-up? Email them to FourFourTwo.com editor Gary.Parkinson@haymarket.com
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