Vidic hangs up head

Former Manchester United defender Nemanja Vidic has emotionally called time on being kicked in the head, Back of the Net can reveal...

Former Serbia international Nemanja Vidic has today called time on his football career, hanging up his head at the age of 34.

Vidic will be most fondly remembered by Manchester United fans for his heroics during an eight-year spell at Old Trafford during which he repeatedly threw his head into the path of boots, heads, elbows and walls.

The stopper suffered numerous concussions and famously saw his head kicked clean off his shoulders by Rickie Lambert during a game against Southampton in 2014. He returned to the fray after five minutes of treatment and United went on to draw 1-1, but opposing players were clearly unsettled by the defender’s head, which was only loosely attached to his neck by tape.

Kicked in the head

After a disappointing spell at Inter Milan where Vidic found it hard to cajole Italian players into providing the kind of treatment he had grown accustomed to, Vidic has decided not to find a new club and to instead settle for a life of not being kicked in the head.

Nemanja Vidic

I’ll certainly miss that feeling of being booted in the nose by a lunging striker

“It’s with great sadness that I have decided to hang up my head, but I felt the time was right to retire,” Vidic told FFT.

“I’ll certainly miss that feeling of being booted in the nose by a lunging striker and the satisfying thud of a flailing elbow rattling my cheekbone, but at some point you have to accept that you’ve had your last concussion.

Concussions

“I’m looking forward to having more time to kick a ball around in the garden with my sons. Maybe they can give me a good shoeing in the kisser or maybe a shelf will fall down and crack me in the temple. There's a lot of things I'm still yet to experience hitting me in the head.

“If my tear ducts were still functioning I’d cry right now.”

Vidic is expected to announce a testimonial match in the coming months that will see him take on a side captained by Roy Keane and including Vinnie Jones, Stuart Pearce and Julian Dicks.

Please note: This satirical news story is not real. But you already knew that, right?

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