Wheee! Slice! Argh!
Wheee! Slice! Argh!
That, dear readers, is the sound of two more men falling on their swords.
Baa! Hack! Argh!
Baa! Hack! Argh!
The sound, more to the point, of two more sacrificial lambs being slaughtered. Two sacrificial lambs by the name of Mariano RodrÃÂguez de Barutell, known as âÂÂNanÃÂnâÂÂ, and Luis Bárcena.
Not sacrificial lambs that La Liga Loca feels especially sorry for â especially not poor little rich boy NanÃÂn - but sacrificial lambs nonetheless.
You see, last night Bárcena and NanÃÂn were sacked from their posts at Real Madrid by (the still) president Ramón Calderón. The guilty men in the scandal uncovered by Marca. The men who have paid the price so that Calderón doesnâÂÂt have to. Rather like Fabio Capello, in fact. Or Bernd Schuster.
Now, for those of you a little behind, hereâÂÂs whatâÂÂs happened so farâ¦
(You might want to adopt a deep cinema-style voice here.)
Previously on Castle Greyskull â¦
Unpopular president Ramón Calderón â already accused of, well, too many things for La Liga Loca to recap, especially without the help of our lawyer Lionel Hutz - panics that he might not get the accounts and a few other bits and bobs of business approved by the membersâ assembly on December 7. He is terrified, nay petrified, of the dark shadow of a certain Florentino Pérez.
Calderón scrapes through the membersâ assembly. During aforementioned assembly, members of the Ultra Sur - one of whom, a gift for the media, could not have been any more of a cartoon bad guy if he joined the Ant Hill Mob - spend the assembly shouting âÂÂanti-Madridistas sons of bitchesâ at those who oppose him and oâÂÂPresidente! Presidente!â at Calderón himself.
There are lots of accusations and angry words, lots of shouting and pushing and other generally un-edifying shenanigans going on.
Votes are cast by a show of hands (as they always have been). Votes are counted in the pretty little heads of the stewardesses (as they always have been). Some members are denied access to the arena to watch events unfold. Accusations are made that the club laid on busses to get the Ultras there. Calderón denies it.
âÂÂWhat are busses?â he says.*
Just over a month later, Marca breaks the story that Calderón âÂÂrobbedâ the assembly. It alleges that Calderón infiltrated the assembly with people loyal to him to make sure he got through the vote. Bárcena, director of members and the man responsible for organising the assembly, says he will investigate and take the necessary actions.
The next day, Marca publishes a follow up. It includes photos of the men who shouldnâÂÂt have been there: some because they are not compromisarios (members with a voice and vote for the assembly), some because they are but shouldnâÂÂt be (because their form wasnâÂÂt completed correctly or because they have not been members long enough to qualify), and one because he is an Atlético Madrid season ticket holder. Strategically placed, all are aggressive during the assembly.
All voted in CalderónâÂÂs favourâ¦
And so it was that Calderón stood before the media at the Santiago Bernabéu, backed by all the presidentâÂÂs men. Sweating. Fighting back. And denying everything.
Calderon & co. face the music...
âÂÂWe had an unpleasant surprise when we saw what was published this morning. None of us have participated directly or indirectly in the presence of unauthorised people in the last assembly of Real Madrid. I swear on my honour â and that is worth a lot to me,â he said, as everyone stifled a giggle and the temptation to mutter 'well, it aint worth jack to us, sunshine.'
âÂÂI have nothing to hide, I donâÂÂt mind being here until four in the morning,â Calderón continued. In fact, he didnâÂÂt quite make it that far. But he was there for over an hour in which he managed to say an awful lot and admitted that the assembly was indeed fraudulent.
âÂÂWe will investigate every single one of the compromisarios at the assembly,â he said.
âÂÂWould I be here if I had anything to hide?â he said.
âÂÂWe would like to re-stage the assembly but weâÂÂre not sure if weâÂÂre legally entitled to do so,â he said.
âÂÂLook into my eyes, canâÂÂt you see theyâÂÂre open wide. Would I lie to you?â he said.**
âÂÂMy directors are completely behind me and they have not leaked this. I trust them 100%. I would put my hand in the fire for them. In fact, IâÂÂd put both my hands in the fire for them â I wouldnâÂÂt mind ending up armless,â he said.
âÂÂWe will kick out any members who are proven to have entered the assembly under false pretences,â he said.
What he didnâÂÂt say was what most people wanted him to: âÂÂIâÂÂm off. ItâÂÂs a fair cop, guv. YouâÂÂve got me bang to rights. IâÂÂll sling me âÂÂook.âÂÂ
What he didnâÂÂt say was: âÂÂI will resign and call elections. Like, now."
And he didnâÂÂt say that because âÂÂresigning would be the act of a coward.â Because âÂÂpeople who resign are people who have something to hide.â Because, âÂÂif there is one thing I have done in my life it is act with honestyâ (stop sniggering). Because, above all, âÂÂthis board and I have not done anything. We are the victims here. Because, we have done nothing wrong.âÂÂ
The man who had, Calderón said, was NanÃÂn â a 25 year old who works in the clubâÂÂs membersâ department, acts like he owns the place, and drives a flash BMW worth â¬70,000 even though he is theoretically on â¬12,000 a year. The same NanÃÂn who admitted to Calderón that he had sneaked in a few of his mates.
Not that Calderón could explain why. âÂÂPerhaps,â he ventured, âÂÂhe thought he was helping. When you love someone you try to help them out, even when you shouldnâÂÂt.âÂÂ
Whatever the reason, it definitely was not because he was under orders.
ThatâÂÂs why NanÃÂn had to be sacked. And so did Bárcena, because heâÂÂs NanÃÂnâÂÂs boss.
But not Calderón, even though he is both of theirs.
Because, Calderón said, he didnâÂÂt know anything about it. Because, never mind that hidden camera documentary that accused him of rigging votes during the elections, NanÃÂn is just a lad who works in the membersâ department. And because he doesnâÂÂt even know the infiltrators in question.
Which will be why the photos in todayâÂÂs Marca show two of them on a boat with CalderónâÂÂs brother and Bárcena, or three of them on holiday in Rome with NanÃÂn and CalderónâÂÂs son. Which will be why when he won the elections, in his acceptance speech, Calderón said he âÂÂparticularlyâ wanted to thank NanÃÂn. âÂÂWithout whom I could not have won.âÂÂ
Just because Calderón is paranoid doesnâÂÂt mean theyâÂÂre not out to get him. And just because theyâÂÂre out to get him doesnâÂÂt mean he doesnâÂÂt deserve it. âÂÂI donâÂÂt have long left,â he said. It was the only thing he said that you could be sure was true.
(*Calderón did not actually say that.)
(** Or this. But he might as well have.)
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FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
NEWS: Spanish media reports: Calderon to stand down
BLOG: Will Marca force Ramon Calderon to resign?
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