La Liga Loca (ouch) has experienced (ouch) two new sensations this week.
The first was being stung by (ouch) a wasp, on its favourite typing (ouch) finger which makes (ouch) writing quite (ouch) painful. But it is ploughing ahead and taking one for the FourFourTwo team nonetheless.
"I'm watching you Stannard..."
The second is the disturbing desire of wanting Johnny Foreigner to get the better over a plucky English club in the Champions League.
Now, the fairly French side of La Liga Loca has only spent a couple of days back in Blighty over the past few years, so has regressed to the 1950âÂÂs when the countryâÂÂs flat cap wearing, trout-tickling football stars would travel to games by bus and share a pint of mild with the fans afterwards.
For this reason, it will always be suspicious of swarthy European football types with their fancy pants, step-overs and cheaty ways.
But on Wednesday night, the blog will be committing treason by cheering on an up-against-the-wall Atleti against a team of glorious English heroes. Well, Gerrard and Carragher anyway.
The reason why La Liga Loca is risking being thrown into the Tower by Her Majesty when it eventually sets foot on English soil is its fierce fondness for Javier Aguirre.
Apparently, the Atlético head honcho could be up for the chop if the rojiblancos fail to roll over Liverpool at the Vicente Calderón - a stadium that is forcing its fans to wear motion-trackers and exploding head bracelets in a âÂÂFortressâ style security clampdown.
La Liga LocaâÂÂs reliable-50%-of-the-time Atleti insider claims that the sporting director, Jesus Garcia Pitarch has been desperate to get shot of the madcap Mexican for some time.
And this may explain the purchases of the likes of Cleber Santana and Eller over the past few seasons as a way of ensuring his departure happened sooner rather than later.
Even proper paper, El Pais, says that AguirreâÂÂs footballing tackle is on the line against Liverpool. âÂÂA defeat would bring him to the point of being sacked,â claims WednesdayâÂÂs edition.
Aguirre: One game away from the sack... again
However, Aguirre has been in this tightest of spots many, many times before and says that he is more than capable of coping - âÂÂI know all about working under pressure.âÂÂ
Despite having a well-deserved reputation as a pernickety potty-mouth to both his own players and those of the opposition, Aguirre is one of the most open, honest and interesting managers off the pitch.
In press conferences, his questions are answered thoughtfully and thoroughly in a very non-Luis Aragonés way, when he is often fully entitled to whack the sarcastic scribe from Marca or AS around the head with a frying pan.
Should Javier be given the old heave-ho, then Sport are linking, Benfica boss, Quique Sánchez Flores with the soon-to-be-vacated position. But, without a single shred of evidence to prove it.
In La Liga LocaâÂÂs virtual managerial universe, the blog has Aguirre taking over at Newcastle as he more than fulfils all the requirements - English-speaking, the ability to work under insane pressure from fans and owners, a superb swearer and would be able to run Dennis Wise out of town in the time it takes for Atlético to concede a goal on what is set to be a horribly wet and windy night at the Vicente Calderón.
On Tuesday night, Real Madrid lost in Italy in a European clash. As they have only won four from 26 there, defeat to Juventus doesnâÂÂt really qualify as news.
Instead, all the action was to be found in el Madrigal with Villarreal having a spot of bother against the supposedly awful Aalborg, before coming away 6-3 winners.
Super-sub Llorente celebrates hat-trick
A large chunk of that victory was owed to Fernando Llorente coming off the bench to pick up a hat trick - only the fourth Spanish player to ever score three in a Champions League clash.
The question is, dear La Liga Loca reader, can you name the other three? The other titanic trio were playing for Real Madrid, Barcelona and Valencia at the time.
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