INVASION ALERT! With Spain facing Argentina in a friendly, Argie Bargy blogger Joel Richards has his say on Argentine attitudes to the Old World country...
Manolo and his brother were in the house-moving industry in Galicia.
One day Manolo was struggling along, sweating and grimacing under the weight of the huge wardrobe he was carrying on his back.
"Hey Manolo," shouted out one of the villagers, "why doesnâÂÂt your brother help you?"
"He is!" replied Manolo cheerily. "HeâÂÂs inside, holding the hangers."
There's more where that came from. Lots more.
Why canâÂÂt you get ice in Galicia? Because the woman who had the recipe died.
Why did the Gallego stare at the orange juice carton? Because it said "Concentrate."
By now, you get the drift.
Up there with reliving every split millisecond of MaradonaâÂÂs two goals against England is telling jokes about the âÂÂgallegosâÂÂ.
Once theyâÂÂve started, Argentines wonâÂÂt stop.
And itâÂÂs not because theyâÂÂve got something against the wind-swept northern region of Spain that they refer to in the jokes, but rather that most of the Spaniards who emigrated to Argentina were from that area.
As a result, the Spanish are universally referred to as gallegos. Or as the Argentines would say it, gashegos.
So it is that the coloniser and the colonised meet on Saturday to celebrate the Spanish federationâÂÂs centenary - except, as La Liga Loca readers know only too well, it's not their centenary. ThatâÂÂs in four years' time.
To get a rough idea of what Argentines make of that, see the jokes above.
As for the football, we all know the score.
The Roja are favourites, but then they tend to be the favourites in 99.9 percent of their games right now, so thatâÂÂs hardly news.
Argentina still have to find a way to bring out the best of Messi. Fine.
For all the multimillionaires on show, for all the team news, recent results, Big Test Before The World Cup etc, if youâÂÂve read the Spanish papers for the last year, youâÂÂll know one thing:
This isnâÂÂt Spain against Argentina. This is Spain against Maradona.
Ever since Diego took over as Argentina coach, the gashegos have been lapping up MaradonaâÂÂs mishaps, misunderstandings, misfortunes, mismanagement and press conference appearances like there is no mañana.
Yet while the gashegos love a good old Diego-induced disaster, they also know they're on to a good thing while heâÂÂs around.
He commentated the last World Cup for Spanish TV. He used to write a column for the paper who put him next to Di Stéfano and Messi for the worldâÂÂs media.
Everyone wants to read about what heâÂÂs up to â for good or for considerably worse. He is, after all, Maradona.
When Diego took over as coach last year, one Spanish TV reporter made the trip over to Buenos Aires.
Flustered by the summer heat and the prospect of speaking to Maradona, he excitedly blurted out the question he had travelled 15 hours to ask.
"Who do you think is the best national team in the world right now?"
"YouâÂÂre a little clever-clogs, arenâÂÂt you?" replied Diego (to which the room full of Argentines rolled about laughing). "You want me to say Spain, donâÂÂt you?"
"No, really, honestly, promise, scouts' honour," the gashego almost said, "itâÂÂs a genuine question. Who do think is the best side?"
Diego duly obliged by saying Spain, before reeling off a list of other national teams.
Excited by getting the quote he needed, the reporter quickly canvassed the assembled press about MaradonaâÂÂs appointment, and completely ignored the response after asking Argie Bargy for its real name, before running back to Madrid.
Back in Spain, this blogger appeared in the gashegoâÂÂs report as âÂÂGeorgeâÂÂ.
Amigos consoled Argie Bargy with jokes like those at the top of the blog, along with several other completely unpublishable ones.
How we laughed. But then, on this side of the Atlantic we can laugh all we want.
Come Saturday night, if MaradonaâÂÂs side lose to Spain, it will be the gashegos who laugh the loudest.
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