While Ronaldo has been off amusing himself with his cross-dressing friends - something that has finally endeared him to most of the Italian male public - Serie A is gearing up for the Milan derby on Sunday.LetÃ¢ÂÂs get one thing straight, AC Milan against Inter is the best derby in the world.Manchester United-City, River Plate-Boca Juniors, Celtic-Rangers all pale in comparison.Outside Hollywood you wonÃ¢ÂÂt see so many stars in such a condensed area when the players take the pitch, both clubs have won so many trophies that they had to give over half of the San Siro stadium just to house them.
Barcelona, eh? ItÃ¢ÂÂs worse than The Tower during the reign of Henry VIII and his insatiable ginger loins. Worse than TraitorsÃ¢ÂÂ Corner when itÃ¢ÂÂs that time of month down Queen Elizabeth IÃ¢ÂÂs way. Worse even than Two-for-One day at the Place de la Revolution. Ronaldinho? Off with his head! Deco? Off with his head! Henry? Off with his head! Ezquerro? Who? You know, curly haired bloke. Never plays. Always wears a smirk. Christ, is he still here? Off with his head! EtoÃ¢ÂÂo? Henry? Oleguer? Off! Off! Off!
12am: Make my way into a sunny Manchester. Shout Ã¢ÂÂVisca CatalunyaÃ¢ÂÂ (Forever Catalonia!) at a group of Barca fans stood outside where the Hacienda was. Manchester preserved the memory of this world famous club by turning the site into apartments. The Catalans look confused at first, but punch their arms in the air and cheer. 1pm: Get stood up for a pint by Mike Duff, the Bard of Blackley and ManchesterÃ¢ÂÂs finest poet. From 12,000 entries, he won the BBC Ã¢ÂÂA Poem for ManchesterÃ¢ÂÂ competition with this: