West Ham manager Sam Allardyce has taken to frequenting the Walthamstow Kebab Dungeon in the early hours, reports Back of the Net...
Late-night patrons of the takeaway restaurant, which purports to offer high, high quality at low, low prices, told FourFourTwo that the aggressive, inebriated man leaning across the counter to sing 'Danny Boy' was 'almost certainly' Allardyce.
Skewered meat enthusiast Ross Miller said: "This guy was around 60-years-old, had his tie around his head like a bandana, and he grabbed a handful of my chips as I was leaving. I'm fairly sure it was Allardyce, but it's always best not to make eye contact."
The man, who witnesses described as large, reportedly pushed his way to the front of the queue to demand that staff supply him with a kofte special with onion rings and gravy. He then asked if anyone present knew the way to Amarillo, before launching into an oddly threatening rendition of Tony Christie's 1971 hit.
A Kebab Dungeon worker told FFT: "I didn't recognise him until he asked me if I was Steve Kean and tried to punch me. I said I wasn't Steve Kean, and he narrowed his eyes and asked me if I liked it in the mixer. That's when we asked him to leave."
"We'd ban him, but he's one of our best customers. We let him sleep in the back room and he brought us all Modibo Maiga shirts in gratitude, which was nice I guess."
Passersby reported that after receiving his meal, the man was led gently away from the kebab shop by a tired-looking male with sad eyes who looked a lot like Matt Jarvis.