1 September 2007
"What is a Scottish egg?"
"I thought the alarm clock was an oncoming car. I punched it to bits"
1 April 2007
"I signed some bloke’s forehead once. He couldn’t see it of course, so I just wrote what I wanted."
1 March 2007
"Mrs Rosenthal would never do that. She’s a lovely woman"
1 December 2006
"I couldn’t hit a granny, could I?..."
"Where I was brought up, there wasn’t really much of a Morris dancing scene"
1 January 2006
"Peter Schmeichel would be tasty, like Danish bacon"
6 December 2005
"I always go commando, son - I like to be loose and full of juice"
1 November 2005
"I was sick in a pork pie hat. Filled it to the brim"
24 February 2005
"I just tried on a bra to see what it looks like. We've all done it, haven't we?"


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