Our very own Tim Stannard runs through some of the more questionable quotations from the last 12 months of Spanish football...
January
âÂÂIâÂÂve got to look for players who wonâÂÂt let me down...some of them arenâÂÂt going to cheat me anymoreâ - Atlético boss, Quique Sánchez Flores, whips himself into a heck of a huff after a 3-0 defeat to Recreativo in the Copa del Rey with a message he was to repeat several times during the year. And will continue to do so until his inevitable firing sometime in February.
âÂÂPalma is a city where people live very comfortably. If we play at five o'clock people are still eating their paella. If we play at night, itâÂÂs too cold and people watch it on TV. If we play at seven, then itâÂÂs too humidâ - the then Mallorca boss, Gregorio Manzano, laments the fact that only 37 spectators bothered to watch his sideâÂÂs wonderful campaign in the Ono Estadi which saw a fifth-placed finish.
âÂÂI donâÂÂt care if the dates of the centenary are correct or notâ - Spanish FA president, Angel Villar, wasnâÂÂt going to let the fact that his organisation celebrated their 75th birthday 21 years ago get in the way of a series of monumental lunches to commemorate the non-occasion.
âÂÂThis is the worst moment of my careerâ - Robert Pires hadnâÂÂt even heard the words âÂÂAston VillaâÂÂ, âÂÂtransferâ and âÂÂliving in a hotel in Birminghamâ when he was lamenting his lot during some dark days on the fringes at Villarreal.
âÂÂWe may have seen a red but anyone who knows anything about football understands this isnâÂÂt a redâ - Cristiano Ronaldo puts the blame entirely on Málaga defender, Patrick Mtiliga, for his sending off after thoughtlessly interrupting the path of the Real MadridâÂÂs playerâÂÂs elbow with his nose which was subsequently broken.
âÂÂFlorentino Pérez is kind, cares about the fans, has promoted his stars well and kept confidence in the coach. ItâÂÂs Pellegrini who is the disgraceâ - Marca kick off their charming and still ongoing attack on the former Real Madrid manager which sparked the âÂÂside once lead by Manuel Pellegrini lose to Barçaâ spoof headline after NovemberâÂÂs 5-0 defeat.
February
âÂÂI canâÂÂt stand those who doubt my professionalismâ - Guti is quite right to take such a stance in a year when the maverick midfielder claimed he was staying at Real Madrid, wanted to play in Italy and England before choosing Turkey to continue his football adventure and drive his car into the sides of buses after one too many. Allegedly.
âÂÂHe has to be cooked slowly, not shoved in the microwaveâ Getafe manager, MÃÂchel, opines on the future for the then Racing striker and SpainâÂÂs most promising young talent, Sergio Canales, who has since found himself stuffed into a freezer after his move to Real Madrid.
Canales: pierce film lid, microwave for 10 mins, leave to stand...
âÂÂI apologise to the fans. They donâÂÂt deserve this emotional roller coasterâ - Poor Quique Sánchez is back with all the huffing after 0-2 home defeat to Málaga in the league.
âÂÂThe relationship between club and fans is worthy of a doctoral thesisâ - Sevilla president José MarÃÂa del Nido contemplates the up-and-down nature of the Sánchez Pizjuán crowd, although the root causes of the fansâ dislike of Alvaro Negredo could be explained by a slightly slow seven-year-old with a crayon.
âÂÂThis is scientific certification that Madrid should be two points better offâ - Marca director and winner of LLLâÂÂs âÂÂIdiot of the Yearâ award once again, Eduardo Inda, concludes that a giant refereeing conspiracy was assisting Barça in an open letter to Pep Guardiola.
âÂÂMadrid start with a nine point advantage. The three they earn at the Vicente Calderón, the three they win against us at the Bernabeu and the three that Barcelona leave hereâ - Atleti president, Enrique Cerezo, details the charitable contributions made by his club to Real Madrid year on year after a 2-1 win over Barça.
March
âÂÂCensors and the media cave will not twist or dilute our opinions and shared objectivesâ - Joan âÂÂJoanâ Laporta comes up with a typically nutty, paranoid reason to join Twitter and Facebook away from the usual excuse of wanting to willfully ignore actual human beings around you by hammering away on a Crackberry.
âÂÂThings went badly at Espanyol and Javier Clemente. He told me to find another team as he didnâÂÂt like small playersâ - Albert Crusat leaves the world wondering if thereâÂÂs a parallel world with the former Spain manager managing a Barcelona side with Xavi and Messi on the bench and Javier Arizmendi up front
âÂÂI have the support of the players and the clubâ - Wonderfully optimistic - but probably sarcastic - words from Manuel Pellegrini after Real MadridâÂÂs traditional early doors ejection from the Champions League after defeat to Lyon.
âÂÂYou need to bring a shot gun. âÂÂBang, bangâ and thatâÂÂs itâ - Former Mallorca manager Gregorio Manzano with an tactic on stopping Leo Messi that LLL is quite sure is illegal in Spain. Except in some remote parts of Andalusia during harsh winters perhaps.
âÂÂWeâÂÂve got ourselves into this situation and itâÂÂs us who have to get us out of itâ - The then Sevilla boss, Manolo Jiménez was half right on his prediction before a 1-1 draw against Xerez meant that it was everyone else was forced to dig themselves out of the hole he had lead them into due to his immediate sacking.
April
âÂÂI went to an interview. I had to as my parents made me so I wouldnâÂÂt be hanging around the houseâ - Villarreal midfielder, Cani, reveals how close he came to an alternative career of blocking supermarket aisles with stock trolleys before he was eventually saved by Zaragoza.
Cani: "Clean up in aisle seven..."
âÂÂMy results are lamentable. They are enough to get a coach sackedâ - Onésimo Sánchez showed he may have more potential as a hiring and firing president in la Liga than a manager having being sacked as coach of Valladolid just a day after his observation.
âÂÂThe match delegate for Madrid has to think seriously about the possibility of offering two balls to the ref: one for the game and one for Ronaldoâ - Roberto Palomar writing in Marca on CristianoâÂÂs tendency to hog the ball as much as he does the mirror.
âÂÂI prefer spending 14 hours on a bus to play in the Champions League than watch the semis on TVâ - Pep Guardiola with a wonderfully barbed...er....barb thrown in the direction of the Spanish capital ahead of a lengthy volcano-inspired bus trip to Italy to face Inter Milan.
âÂÂIâÂÂm staying at Getafe, IâÂÂve got a five year contract and the project the president offered me really excites meâ - Pedro León was so thrilled by the future at the Coliseum that he moved to Real Madrid three months later.
May
âÂÂThere will be 32,000 people there and if we count every Sevilla fan as three, we are 96,000â - José Maria del Nido becomes the first president in la Liga history to overreport the match attendance before the Copa del Rey final against Atlético Madrid.
âÂÂFor me, Guti is gone. I read what he said and thatâÂÂs what counts. He said goodbye to the fans, did a lap of the pitchâ - Mourinho pretty much stamps on any last, lingering chance of Guti staying on at the Santiago Bernabeu. And then pees on it for good measure.
âÂÂIt is one of the most important elements in a footballerâÂÂs recoveryâ - Neither hot women, rest, nor a comfy bed to take a siesta in were the concerns of Marca during the World Cup in South Africa, instead it was issues over the importation of the teamâÂÂs Jamon Serrano.
If Pep doesnâÂÂt want Ibra then IâÂÂd recommend he went to a mental hospitalâ - ZlatanâÂÂs agent Mino Raiola signals the beginning of the end of his clientâÂÂs short-lived stay at the Camp Nou, or maybe even the end of the beginning...or the middle of the end.
June
âÂÂSometimes (the decisions) will be unpopular and unpleasant but theyâÂÂve got to be takenâ - Valencia president, Manuel Llorente talking about the sale of David Villa to Barcelona, although LLL suspects he is alluding to the purchase of serial chance-blower, Roberto Soldado.
âÂÂItâÂÂs contradictory to have the logo of UNICEF and sign agreements with Uzbekistanâ - The then Barcelona presidential candidate, Sandro Rosell, still with his business morals intact during a wonderfully bitchy election campaign.
âÂÂWith the situation weâÂÂre in and with the stress, sometimes your body doesnâÂÂt do what you want ask it. But not me. I disconnect well enoughâ - Getafe president, Angel Torres, makes everyone feel a touch icky claiming there were no downstairs problems in his love-house no matter how badly his team were doing.
La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year - Part Two
