Lists

10 of football's most ridiculous extravagances: Chelsea's barber, Wickham's champagne and more

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6. If we build it, they won’t come

There are white elephants, and then there’s Darlington’s former home – the 25,000-seat Reynolds Arena. “Fans won’t have long to wait until we are knocking on the door of the Premiership,” beamed former safe-cracker chairman George Reynolds when he bought the Third Division club in 1999.

Instead, the 2,000-strong core Quakers support inside the nine-tenths empty stadium watched disconsolately as their club imploded and former home Feethams crumbled. Reynolds bailed out, grumbling: “Those fans were never grateful.” Wonder why…

Darlington

"North stand, give us a song..."

7. The Brooklyn lights

The Beckhams installed a £20,000 ceiling complete with fibre-optic stars and a mural depicting mum and dad as a fairytale prince and princess

It’s one thing wanting your son to admire his parents, but quite another installing a £20,000 ceiling complete with fibre-optic stars and a mural depicting mum and dad as a fairytale prince and princess.

That’s what David and Victoria Beckham inflicted upon first-born Brooklyn at their Beckingham Palace pile in Hertfordshire. Still, if Beckham Jr. tired of it, he always had the option of running into the garden to play in the fake ancient ruins.

8. “Blanket, dahhhling?”

They’d just got a brand new 30,000-seat ground and heated dressing-room floors, so what better way for Russian Premier League side Terek Grozny to further demonstrate their upwardly mobile status than to leave designer rugs on the substitutes’ bench?

“It’s a bit more civilised than sipping vodka to keep warm on cold evenings,” slurred one Spartak Moscow replacement of the £700-a-pop Louis Vuitton blankets after a recent game.

Louis Vuitton

Need a rug? There's only one place to go

9. Presidential sniping

In June 1996, Serbian warlord Arkan took over the running of FK Obilic, and over the next few years the Belgrade side began a controversial rise to supremacy. Amid allegations that Arkan’s henchmen were threatening officials and rivals, it was revealed that he paid around £1m for snipers to scan the crowd and ensure that he wasn’t assassinated at home games.

“Arkan must live,” insisted, er, Arkan, who was gunned down shortly before his 2000 trial for war crimes. Nice chap.

10. “D’ya wanna see my fish tank?”

Ex-Manchester City midfielder Stephen Ireland knew exactly what an interior refit of his £5m mansion needed in February 2010: a 6,000-litre aquarium. The £100,000 tank – plastic, not glass, presumably so that it wouldn’t crack if a ball flew off the adjacent custom-made ‘Ireland 9’ pool table – contained a host of exotic fish so large it was believed to be the biggest privately owned aquarium in Britain. “My house certainly has a ‘wow’ factor – everyone says so,” the Irishman explained. Yes, we can imagine that was exactly their reaction.

This feature originally appeared in the February 2016 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

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