The 11 maddest transfer announcements of the 2017 summer window
Alvaro Negredo (Besiktas)
The best and the worst of social media in one grotesque 39-second slab: an irony-laden hashtag (#ComeToBesiktas, which fans of the outfit love to slap under pretty much anything) that became a semi-stylish piece of official club merch, then subsequently morphed into a viral video announcing the signing of the lanky Spanish goal menace.
Ricardo Quaresma and Pepe should be given a detective buddy show on Netflix immediately, and Pepe’s line – “Chhhhelllo amigo… come to Besiktaaaas” – is delivered with a grinning menace that cannot disguise the fact he’s football’s answer to Jeffrey Dahmer. Slop on some Europop musical bin juice and you’ve got an effort that will never be topped.
Patrik Schick (Roma)
They say if you give enough monkeys enough typewriters that they’ll eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare, but alas Roma’s experiment – which begins with a gibbon assaulting a cheap laptop, instead resulted in this psychedelic toilet of a snippet.
Some meme-demented Roman simian crowbarred a bit of everything in, including a singing lion, a grinning Francesco Totti, a gobsmacked Katy Perry and a goat playing chess to the rebel music of Public Enemy, all for the sake of Czech international Patrik Schick. Like having the entire internet fired into your horrified cortex.
— AS Roma English (@ASRomaEN) August 29, 2017
Alexandre Lacazette (Arsenal)
Arsenal’s transfer window has been dismal – to accurately reflect things, they really should have got one of those Scandi noir directors to make a short film of that Arsenal TV gobshite who looks like a wizard crying and punching himself in the wand.
Instead, they seemed to employ the team from A Question of Sport’s mystery guest round to slowly unveil the French goal-guzzler. We preferred the one with Steve Cram operating a combine harvester.
You’ll never guess who…pic.twitter.com/4Owx2Bg17i
— Arsenal FC (@Arsenal) July 5, 2017
Jake Gray (Yeovil)
From WhatsApp to Snapchat: those tech nerds at Huish Park profiled the messaging service’s new map feature by plonking the former Luton Town midfielder into their ground and allowing him to announce himself.
It’s simple and fun, so fair play – but what’s next? Someone right-swiping themselves into Gresty Road on Tinder? An eight-hour Waze journey to Caledonian Stadium, Inverness? We can barely wait…
— Yeovil Town FC (@YTFC) June 26, 2017