Here's what happened when we headed to Bayern Munich's secret lair (otherwise known as the Säbener Strasse car park) to snap the world's hottest striker for our December 2015 issue...
1 of 11

FFT's snapper tries to stop Lewa getting distracted by the thought of Dante waking up in cold sweats. 

Robert was so accommodating during FFT's shoot that he didn't tell us to get out of his spot once.

We considered hanging around Pep's for more than five seconds, before realising it was terrifying. 

Lewa gets some instructions from Shamil Tanna (who could rival Pep in the perfection stakes). 

Xabi Alonso's other parking spot (y'know, when he's not stationed on a halfway line).

Alcohol and fire extinguishers don't mix, kids – just ask Stan Collymore...

"Pretend like someone's just told you Blackburn are interested in signing you again." 

"Great. Now do what you did when that ash cloud stopped you meeting with Sam Allardyce."

"Do your angry meditation look, Robert... yep, that's perfect." 

"Wait.... Robert... he's getting away!" 

Read the exclusive interview with Lewandowski from November 4 in print, on iPad and iPhone...