Ranked! Every Premier League manager by how long they'd survive in Game of Thrones
7. Sean Dyche (Burnley)
Are we sure Dyche isn’t actually in Game of Thrones already? Character name: ‘Sean Dyche’; a grizzled sellsword who teaches soft, southron lordlings how to wield steel. “If I must, he gravels roughly, “although I prefer going long with the trebuchet.”
Lasts for ages until he’s eventually done in by that old classic: the poisoned worm.
6. Nuno Espirito Santo (Wolves)
If Sean Dyche sounds like he’s in Game of Thrones, Nuno looks the part. Big greying beard, imposing heft and an aggressive pack of anything-but-dire wolves at his bidding.
Very much a long-termer, unless an offer from the Iron Bank of Stamford Bridge turns his massive head. We all know how that ends.
5. Manuel Pellegrini (West Ham)
I mean, is he not an actual white walker already, this bloke? He's got a face that looks like he’s accidentally walked in on Ser Carroll’s late-night revels.
Yet this old zombie is one of the game’s winners so let’s give him a 50/50 chance of survival as he tries to destroy the living world on his giant ice dragon (AKA the West Ham way).
4. Unai Emery (Arsenal)
Count Emery looks like a 4,000-year-old vampire but that’s insane, because on Westeros it’s dragons, witches and undead armies (yes); vampires (too silly). Still, he’s been a success since replacing Grand Maester Arsene and is less beholden to the stars than that old astronomer.
Set for a long run. Just remember to lock the toilet door in case a crossbow-wielding Captain Ozil turns up for a surprise late-night call.
3. Pep Guardiola (Manchester City)
He’s an underrated crank, Ser Pep. So despite his hoard of silverware, picture him not as a powerful lord but as a humble swordsmith (local nickname: ‘Bald Forge’), obsessively working all hours to craft the finest attacking weapons in the kingdom.
Eschewing political mind games probably means he’s very much alive. At least until Ser Jose comes in to pick up that special, Valyrian steel backstabber he ordered.
2. Javi Gracia (Watford)
Gracia is proving himself an excellent coach but he’s also an enigma. Essentially, he’s that character you end up in an argument over whether he’s still alive as nobody can quite remember.
I think he died north of the wall, says someone uncertainly. No, he boarded a boat and with muscular Khal Deeney and is sailing to King’s Landing says another, equally unsure. Only one solution: Gracia is a goddamn Faceless Man and is almost certainly still cracking on.
1. Roy Hodgson (Crystal Palace)
The ultimate survivor! King Hodge. Roy is the kind of bloke who, after some horrific butchery and possibly a castle blowing up, is discovered alive in the palace library poring over dusty books in seven languages oblivious to the carnage that’s put him next in line to the throne.
Come on Roy, the people need you to lead our defence against fearsome ice men from a far off land. Not got the best record on that score, says Roy. Plus I’ve promised to take counsellor Ray Lewington on a cruise up the Mander.
Why are you edging towards the window, Roy? Roy? Roy!
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