1 of 30

The Allo Allo audition

FIFA General Secretary, Howard Kendall

"So which one of you is Pele?"


"Name something you pay for..."

"One billion dollars, you say..."

Sepptic shock

"Oi Platini, no spinning"

A massive, bumbling idiot... meets Goleo

"I've been expecting you, Mr Blatter"

"Is he still there?"

"And the 2003 World Cup will be..."

"Let one put this glove on first"

"I love you, Angela darling"

"It was like this when I got it!"

"It'll take more than this shirt to save your soul"

"Atkins working well, Chuck..."

"Obama's told me to leave, let's make this quick"

"And then he said, 'England can win'"

"Now THIS is how you win a World Cup"

Blatter announces new Ethics Committee

"You'll never host with gifts like this"

"Next time wear a tie eh, Marco?"

"Uzbekistan's vote in the bag"

"... and India's? Easy"

An obvious choice for captain

Diana Ross can finally sleep easy

On your 'ead, Sepp

"Is this thing wipe clean?"

"Shorter shorts can help with this..."