“Goalkeepers are the drummers of football, and this is not a bad bit of tub-bothering from the lanky custodian.
It’s fair to transpose the cliche and say that Cech has got a decent touch for a big man – he possesses a nice sense of musical dynamics, playing the quiet bits softly, and walloping the living Jesus out of his cymbals as 'Clocks' comes to a rowdy conclusion.
“Petr’s technique is reasonable. Drumming is all in the wrists, and as a man for whom ball-parrying joint rigidity is an essential part of the job, he’s got no worries there. Having spheres smashed at great velocity into his hands daily by Diego Costa has done wonders for his rapid hi-hat work.
“Cech does need to work on his timing, though. He drops the odd beat and is generally a bit ‘laggy’. Coldplay may have a reputation as a bunch of bed-wetting mummy’s boys, but their drummer, Southampton season ticket holder Will Champion, is something of a monster.
“That said, Champion would probably be hopeless in a Champions League penalty shootout, so we mustn’t be too harsh. Both men are used to having a row of self-important berks prancing around in front of them.
“To improve, Cech needs to work on his feet and left hand. Like average football players who don’t train up their weaker foot, he has a decent right paw, but needs to drill the other three limbs mercilessly after training to get up to scratch.
“Still, it’s nice to see him out of his funny little hat, and I also imagine he rarely drops the sticks. Well drummed, that man.”