Luke Shaw makes £30 million sandwich for Van Gaal
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There had been suggestions that the ex-Southampton man was struggling to impress the Dutchman, but Shaw has silenced his critics with an intricate interweaving of ham and condiments, finishing with an inspired flourish of mustard.
Team-mates stopped their own culinary attempts to watch Shaw and burst into applause when he unleashed his ambitious effort.
“If Shaw doesn’t do anything else this season, he has already repaid the club’s faith in him,” Van Gaal told FourFourTwo, licking his lips.
“He had the vision to see a ham and mustard sandwich where others would’ve simply seen a fridge full of continental cured meats and a jar of mustard.
“It makes a real change from Tyler Blackett coming back from Greggs with a soggy BLT baguette.”
United snapped up Shaw after he impressed them with his marauding attacking runs, tenacity in defence and a filling, yet low calorie, quiche Lorraine he whipped up for the directors’ box at St Mary’s in May.
“It’s exciting to think what Luke could achieve if we put some brie and cranberry sauce in the fridge, let alone some chorizo and humous,” Van Gaal insisted.
“Yep, there’s certainly no better use for Luke than this,” the Dutchman concluded, setting aside his training plans and drawing up an extensive shopping list of sandwich toppings.