âÂÂDoomed! WeâÂÂre all doomedâ - shrieked La Liga Loca as it popped into its corner newspaper kiosk on Thursday morning.
As this is a regular occurrence in the blogâÂÂs daily routine, the other patrons were unimpressed by this outrageous outburst and continued their flickage through the likes of âÂÂWhich Hamâ and âÂÂReally Big Sunglasses MonthlyâÂÂ.
La Liga Loca had turned to page three of Marca and caught a glimpse of a photograph of five middle aged men in suits sitting around a table in what appeared to be a palace ballroom.
The first feral fear was that the editorial team of SpainâÂÂs favourite daily footballing farce had been given the responsibility of clawing the country out of the economic hole it currently finds itself in, such was the pomposity and self-importance of the setting.
âÂÂSo how will lowering interest rates affect RaúlâÂÂs bid to be Pichichi?â was how the blog imagined the main topic of conversation.
But luckily for the global meltdown, the sombre surroundings were due to the fact that, King of Catalunya, Joan Laporta was in town - and every stuffed shirt at the paper was needed to probe the Barcelona bigwig on the season so far.
Barca bigwig interview sends Marca into a spin
And Laporta more than held his own in the interview - in the sense that he did not remove his trousers, declare war on Spain, or gab and gob at journalists for not being positive enough.
In fact, the only point of interest in the cheerful chat was when the Barcelona president was quizzed on whether his club had lost the last two leagues, as opposed to Real Madrid winning them.
âÂÂWe gifted them two titles,â sighed Laporta, wondering when the inevitable Raúl question would come. About two minutes later, by the looks of it.
âÂÂAfter his operation, I didnâÂÂt think he would return to being so decisive again, but he did. I congratulate him on this,â said Laporta.
AS were unable to get their hands on such an exciting exclusive and have instead reported that no more will the players of the Catalan club be able to flounce through airports wearing outsized earphones or mumbling into mobiles to avoid the attention of fawning fans.
Barcelona have laid down a law dictating that players must instead lower themselves to mixing with the masses when on official club business.
Betis boss, Paco Chaparro looks set to be the next coach to be sensationally sacked after an unnamed member of the sideâÂÂs communication team ultimated - and La Liga Loca is claiming this word for its own - that: âÂÂanything other than seven from nine points would be a disaster,â for the wig-wearing wonder in October.
Set for sack after defeats to... Barca, Real and Villarreal!
As expected, the big Betis buyout by BSport never took place on the October 4. Instead, the sports papers are reporting that Darth LoperaâÂÂs cold dead claws will be pulled off the clubâÂÂs shares at the end of the month.
And finally, MarcaâÂÂs Roberto Gómez has ended the week in style by writing yet another piece on his friend Fabio Capello and his attempts to get his hands on a watch from his former bosses as reward for winning the league title in the 2006/07 season.
But was it then?
Not according to Gómez who writes that the Italian was in charge of the club from 2004/05 - something that will be news to José Antonio Camacho, Mariano Garcia Remón, Vanderlei Luxumburgo and pretty much every else in the city who got a go at running Real that year.
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