In response to AS cranking up their Barcelona brickingthemselvesometer last weekend, La Liga Loca has decided to give a debut airing to its own fiendishly brilliant contraption, the barçasmugometer.
And after it whirred into life this morning, initial readings from the spinning, steam-punk machine indicate that a remarkable 10,000 smarms is radiating from the Camp Nou club after TuesdayâÂÂs 2-0 win over Inter Milan.
For those unfamiliar with the scale, thatâÂÂs somewhere in between âÂÂall our players are organic and home-grownâ and âÂÂyou know that we donâÂÂt have sponsors donâÂÂt you, mmmm?âÂÂ
Historically speaking, the barçasmugometer is unlikely to reach the incredible levels seen at the end of last season when the Treble saw the reaction turn to âÂÂif you say one more thing about how great Barça are, I will beat you and your family to death with a stale chorizo.âÂÂ
Sport led the way with WednesdayâÂÂs post-partido cheerleading and a headline boasting that the victory over José MourinhoâÂÂs men was âÂÂa strike from a champion.âÂÂ
âÂÂWinning without Messi and Ibra has double value. ItâÂÂs a way of telling the dressing room that unity makes you strong,â scribbles Josep MarÃÂa Casanovas in a happy-clappy column.
NEWS: Europe trembles as Barcelona make music
Joan Vehils turns his antagonising attentions to insulting BarçaâÂÂs under-performing Italian opponents by noting that Mad Sammy EtoâÂÂo was âÂÂlost in the tactical ineptitude and inefficiency of Mourinho,â a manager that La Liga Loca suspects will be spending the next few months in the quiet corner after being comprehensively trounced by Piqué and Pedro.
However, the Portuguese coach did try to dig himself out of his Champions League hole a little by smart-arsing that âÂÂa team without pride would have lost by three or four goals.âÂÂ
Over in Mundo Deportivo-land, opinion-forming frontman Santi Nolla argues that He Who Should Never Be Doubted (La Liga LocaâÂÂs pet name for Pep) possesses âÂÂa team with confidence in itself, thatâÂÂs motivated, with players who feel important and two stars who will be fresh for the big match.âÂÂ
As the Madrid papers tend to be considerably kinder to Barcelona than the somewhat insecure Catalan press is to the Castle Greyskull club in return, AS sees TuesdayâÂÂs victory for PepâÂÂs Dream Boys as âÂÂthe response from champions,â while Marca fawn over âÂÂan exhibition from a spectacular Barcelona.âÂÂ
However, their main preoccupation is the return of Cristiano Ronaldo, who is predicted by both main papers to feature in WednesdayâÂÂs Champions League clash against Zurich for about half an hour.
âÂÂIâÂÂm OK!â says the ankle-knacked Paris-poker on the front cover of Marca, who also report that Raúl is set to start in Karim BenzemaâÂÂs place âÂÂunless Pellegrini changes his mind after reading the paperâ - a banner referencing an article pointing out that Real Madrid are even more hopeless than normal with the club captain chugging around the playing field.
The Champions League tie is set to be number 100 for Iker Casillas, who is asked in AS which players have caused him the most problems over the years in the competition.
âÂÂElber and Van Nistelrooy,â said the Madrid goalie. âÂÂBut no one, these days, as we never get past the last 16.âÂÂ
Atlético Madrid are also in action in Cyprus against APOEL - the latest in a long line of clubs who are gleefully delivering kicks to the goolies of the Vicente Calderón comedy club.
Seeing as QuiqueâÂÂs men cannot qualify for the next round and donâÂÂt really have a squad good enough for la Primera, never mind that Europa League business, AS's Manuel Esteban feels that the âÂÂbest thing that could happen is to lose.âÂÂ
Atleti being Atleti, expect a 6-0 win for the relegation-threatened club and even more ball-bruising batterings from EuropeâÂÂs fourth-tier clubs in the months to come.
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