As the old saying goes, history is written by the victors.
And while we all love to read about World Cup winners, Champions League icons and the planet’s best players, some of the game’s very best stories are about those players who never reached the top and instead enjoyed more varied - and frankly bonkers - careers.
So step forward Jamie Cuerton, the 51-year-old striker who has scored in all top 10 divisions of the pyramid and is still going strong in his 32nd season as a player.
Jamie Cureton on his 32-season playing career
From starting out at Norwich City in the early days of the Premier League to playing for 26 clubs across the pyramid, Cureton has been there and done it - and he has now put his remarkable story down on paper in Last of the Goalhangers, a collection of tales from his three decades on the pitch.
“It certainly feels that way,” laughs Cureton, when FourFourTwo ask him if he really has seen everything. Cureton is currently in his 32nd season in the game with Holland FC in the Eastern Counties League Division One North, having left his player-manager role at Kings Park Rangers behind.
“This is not an autobiography, just to be clear, as I’m worried people will have no idea who I am so who would want to read that? It’s more a collection of all the mad stuff I’ve experienced in more than three decades in football,” he continues.
Among the these mad tales include turning down the chance to join the fabled Class of 92 squad as a youngster, “bombing amphetamines” in the 1990s rave scene and smuggling £40,000 out of South Korea in his underpants. “It’s been an interesting ride,” laughs Cureton, who also turned out for clubs including Reading, Bristol Rovers and QPR across his long career. “It’s a look back at on- and off-field stuff. It’s not about making millions or playing for England. I’ve had a lot of bad times, big downers and regrets, across my life too. I’ve tried to be honest.”
The title of the book is a nod to Cureton’s playing style – a fox in the box of the classic mould. “That type of player seems to have largely died out these days,” laments Cureton, who has amassed more than 400 goals in his lifetime. “I suppose someone like Erling Haaland is a classic poacher but he’s so much more than that. I was always, even since I was a little kid, the bloke who could slot the ball into the back of the net.”
Cureton’s goalscoring career began in the top flight, for then-high-flying Norwich in the 1994-95 season. He’s clocked more than 20 league goals in six different seasons, right across the pyramid. Since leaving Dagenham & Redbridge in 2016, Cureton has spent a full decade playing in non-league football. How has he found it?
“It’s fantastic – football in its purest form,” smiles Cureton. “I love being close to the fans; that community aspect. It’s why I keep going. The standard at this level has changed a huge amount from when I first started out. Nowadays, non-league is full of top academy loanees, or released players looking to get back into the EFL. The drinking culture is largely a thing of the past, so it’s highly competitive with proper athletes.”
So how is a 51-year-old faring at this level? “I take great care of myself and wouldn’t bother anymore if I didn’t think I could offer something,” he says. “You’ll be surprised just how effective experience is at this level.
How long can Cureton keep playing? “That’s a tough one,” he says. “My aim this season was to surpass 1,100 games, which I should hopefully do before Christmas.”
Cureton’s biggest nerves aren’t about playing anyway. “I just hope people enjoy the book,” he says. “It’s been a good chance to set the record straight on a lot of things people have gotten wrong about me. Certain clubs and fan groups that maybe didn’t understand some decisions I’ve made.”
If Cureton does manage to play to 60, which he sees a possibility, we might just need another book.
