The language left little room for ambiguity. Shocking. Unacceptable. An absolute disgrace. Manchester United had just drawn with Fulham and the sky was falling. In the TV studio, Gary Neville, Louis Saha and Ashley Young took turns to express their hurt. "I don't usually get this angry," Neville said, but he was not alone.
While the three ex-pros were giving their verdicts on Sky, the wider machinery was whirring. X users were invited to describe Marcus Rashford's performance in one word, and compliments were in short supply. A caller to talkSPORT demanded Michael Carrick's head in conversation with Alan Pardew. Over on YouTube, thumbnails were being polished, emojis deployed, titles tightened: 'PATHETIC Man Utd'. 'Carrick deserves ZERO!' 'Man Utd on LIFE SUPPORT [EXPLOSIVE RANT].' Within an hour of full-time at Craven Cottage, the Manchester United misery economy was humming once more.
It is a familiar routine by now. The final whistle is not final at all; in a sense, the game is just the opening act. This phenomenon is not unique to Man United. But as the biggest club in England, and one which has been in steady decline since Sir Alex Ferguson’s retirement 13 years ago, they are a particularly rich source of material.
"There is an insatiable demand for takes, the hotter the better"
Neville is the lead protagonist, giving his views not only on Sky but also on his Stick to Football podcast. Roy Keane is a co-star on both platforms, always willing to lament a dearth of characters in the dressing room. Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand and Paul Scholes have their own shows, the latter in tandem with Nicky Butt. Patrice Evra has never met a microphone he did not like.
It is not only former players. Mark Goldbridge is better known than many professional footballers. Stephen Howson, Adam McKola, Joe Smith, Andy Tate and Flex UTD are prominent Man United influencers, some more insightful than others. You will find dozens more online, with the less established often tempted to court controversy in pursuit of an audience in a crowded market.
The thing is, this stuff does numbers. The most watched video on the Sky Sports Premier League YouTube channel is a goals montage. Second is Neville arguing with Jamie Redknapp about the Glazers (“the club is rotting”). Third is Neville discussing a defeat by Atletico Madrid in 2022 (“I’ve felt down about Manchester United for some time”). A compilation of a Goldbridge watchalong is more likely to go viral if it contains expletive-laden outbursts than joyous celebrations.
There is an insatiable demand for takes, the hotter the better. Social media algorithms reward sensationalism and punish nuance. ‘Man Utd a work in progress [MEASURED ASSESSMENT]’ does not quite have the same ring to it.
Positivity rarely sets pulses racing either. Ferdinand’s suggestion in 2019 that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer could choose his own salary because United were “BACK” is only so memorable because - and who could have seen this coming - United were not in fact back.
Neville senses which way the wind is blowing. In April, The Overlap (a media company he co-founded) bought Goldbridge's channel, The United Stand, and has since launched a new weekly production which features Goldbridge alongside Rooney.
Neville has criticised “those bloody YouTubers” in the past. He once called ArsenalFanTV “embarrassing” for its treatment of Arsene Wenger. But as well as being an influential pundit, Neville is an astute businessman, and astute businessmen stand ready to give the people what they want - in this case, “direct, personality-led content.”
A brief scroll of social media reveals much of this content to be hysterical and hyperbolic, yet it is also rooted in the simple truth that Man United have underwhelmed for a long time now.
For the generation of JJ Gabriel, the 16-year-old academy player who wants out of Old Trafford, the team's current struggles are not a blip but the norm. Gabriel was two when Man United last won the title. He has grown up watching not Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs, but Donny van de Beek, Facundo Pellistri and Wout Weghorst.
Since Ferguson stepped down Man United have staggered from crisis to crisis, going back to square one so often they could trace the route blindfolded.
Neville himself is no shock jock, even if his claim that the draw with Fulham contained the “worst 15 minutes” he had ever seen from his team felt a little over the top. He is usually more considered, and prides himself on never having called for a manager to be sacked. As a hugely successful player (and an increasingly underrated one due to his frequent self-deprecation), Neville provides a level of insight that is not easily replicable. The likes of Keane, Rooney, Ferdinand and Scholes have plenty of expertise to impart too.
Equally, the game has changed since their day. No one plays the sort of 4-4-2 with flying wingers on which Man United have built their modern self-image. Nor was it all attack, attack, attack under Ferguson - or “the Boss”, as some of his former charges continue to call him. Just ask Park Ji-sung, regularly deployed as a spoiler in big games, or Nani, Antonio Valencia and the aforementioned Ashley Young, natural wide men who were sacrificed when the team utilised a midfield diamond in 2012. Ferguson was more tactically sophisticated than he is often portrayed today.
It is hard not to wonder whether all the noise around Man United is contributing to the very malaise these interested parties - from Neville to Goldbridge, Rooney to Flex, Scholes to that bloke who refuses to cut his hair until they win five games in a row - are keen to see the club escape.
Yet therein lies the paradox. To flourish, the Manchester United misery economy requires, well, misery. Bad results are by no means bad for business. In fact, they keep the wheels turning. The show must go on.
