For some reason, Jon Bon Jovi was in the crowd at the Gtech Community Stadium on Saturday evening to watch Brentford take on Tottenham.
It would be too easy to reach for a Bon Jovi joke, but the visitors’ desperate defending relied on hope, faith and luck in an opening game that could easily have ended in a 5–0 defeat.
An unmarked Keane Lewis-Potter opened the scoring on 12 minutes, and a Richarlison mistake swiftly led to a second, but the goals were symptoms of a bigger story.
Tottenham at sixes and sevens in Premier League opener
Tottenham made seven changes from their last competitive game; many players had never played together, and midfielder Archie Gray had to fill in at right-back.
The result was a side that looked naïve, under-schooled and unprepared — less like a team than a collection of strangers still learning each other’s names. They also played every bit like an outfit that has finished 17th in the last two seasons.
Mikey Moore, 19, was the clearest example of the problem. Just back from a loan spell in Glasgow, he was almost invisible for the first 35 minutes. He later found himself in front of goal three times and, while he forced a save from goalkeeper Caoimhin Kelleher each time, still lacks a predator's instinct and remains in an awkward teenager phase. He needs to be shipped back out on loan somewhere that will put more hairs on his chest.
It is the manager who must take responsibility for the strangers he has assembled; this was easily Roberto De Zerbi’s worst performance. Making Gray, 20, Tottenham’s youngest-ever captain was a baffling decision, as was playing both kids on the same wing. Veteran James Maddison, who came on late and made little impact, was part of a squad dinner that De Zerbi organised in Mayfair during last season’s relegation battle. These kinds of team-bonding exercises clearly haven’t worked at Tottenham. A posh dinner can unite a bunch of players over three courses; it cannot make them a team.
The Spurs defence looked like strangers, too. It was at sixes and sevens for Michael Kayode’s third on 49 minutes, and six minutes later only an Igor Thiago penalty miss prevented a fourth. There were brief glimpses of brightness for Tottenham: Mathys Tel’s skill on the ball and Lucas Bergvall’s incessant engine. But individual flashes are not the same as cohesion.
The game will be remembered for some miserable debuts: Jan Paul van Hecke, who couldn’t win a header, and £100m signing Sandro Tonali, who was totally dominated by Mamadou Sangaré.
At full time, Tonali moped off the field with a swapped Brentford shirt over his shoulders, though who knows why he would want a souvenir from such a torrid game.
Tonali's shooting only troubled spectators in the upper stands, who chanted “What a waste of money!” Tottenham desperately need help up front from Manchester City winger Savinho, with a reported £75m initial fee, who, if his move is completed and he is registered in time, could appear against Charlton in the Carabao Cup on Wednesday. But another new signing would only add to the sense that Tottenham are assembling strangers, not teammates.
The stadium DJ also resisted the urge to play Bon Jovi’s hit “Livin’ on a Prayer,” which describes a struggling couple who keep going only because they believe things can improve. It also describes the malady of being a Tottenham supporter.
As the sun dipped behind the stadium and darkness descended on Hounslow, one of the 1,725 travelling Spurs fans was pictured with his arms stretched wide in the manner of “can things get any worse?”
