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Guardiola treats Man City players to morale-boosting Nando's

Pep Guardiola

Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola has taken his squad to Nando's for a slap-up chicken feast, it emerged yesterday.

The Citizens, named after the legal status denied to the large majority of Abu Dhabi’s inhabitants, were beaten 4-0 by Everton on Sunday – the heaviest defeat of manager Guardiola’s career.

“I knew we had to make a change,” the former Barcelona and Bayern Munich boss told FourFourTwo. “I am always open to new ways of doing things, and it seemed making the players consume nothing but cubes of pure white tofu and Arctic snow may have been having a negative effect.”

After consulting with managerial gurus Juanma Lillo and Marcelo Bielsa, Guardiola announced a radical new plan for his underperforming squad, based on a trip to the UK’s favourite chain of cheeky but nutritious high-street chicken restaurants.

Never ever

Club captain Vincent Kompany said: “Pep ordered a hundred bottles of Sagres for the table "for starters”, and said that anyone who ate a whole plateful of extra hot wings would be guaranteed to start against Tottenham.

“John Stones tried to get away with lemon and herb but Pep held his mouth open and made him drink Peri-Peri marinade from the bottle until he passed out.”

Guardiola also reportedly initiated a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’, and made everyone chug their drinks for 10 seconds whenever anyone said a word that sounded vaguely like ‘Koeman’.

“It turns out that never has Nicolas Otamendi ever thrown up into a Fanta dispenser while wearing nothing but a club-branded jockstrap,” Kompany added. “Or at least, he hadn’t until about 11 o’clock last night.”

Please note: This story isn't real. Honestly. 

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