Skip to main content

Unnamed Chinese club ready to sign unnamed Premier League player for unnamed amount

The wave of high-profile moves to China looks set to continue with the signature of an unnamed player by an unnamed Chinese club for a fee not yet known, Back of the Net can reveal.

Hot on the heels of Chelsea star Oscar, another as yet unidentified Premier League star is set to sign for a team that you get in China for a sum of money that will make fans gasp in amazement and envy.

While the exact salary the player will receive is so far unconfirmed, largely due to his identity and destination being unclear, it is expected to be something like £500,000 per week, unless that sounds too much to be possible or not enough to shock people.

“[Player name to be inserted here] has been in talks with [a Chinese club] and is close to agreeing [a deal],” an unnamed source told FourFourTwo.

“We’re still waiting for the finer points of the deal, but he’ll be someone like Christian Benteke and the fee will be like £80 million or something.

“But if you’ll get more clicks if it’s a Manchester United player then it could certainly be one of them, and for £100 million or even £200 million.

“The key thing is that the deal definitely exists until you prove otherwise, and so do I.”

Cat amongst

It emerged earlier this week that reports linking a Chinese club with a big-money swoop for Sunderland’s Lee Cattermole had in fact been traced back to Sunderland’s Lee Cattermole.

“I was surprised and flattered when I heard from myself the sums of money being offered, but my commitment to Sunderland never wavered,” Lee Cattermole told FourFourTwo.

“Besides I’ve heard a big Qatari club are plotting a huge money swoop for Sunderland’s Lee Cattermole.”

Please note: This fictional news story is not real. Like, obviously. 

More funny stuffNew features every day on FourFourTwo