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Man City and PSG fans brawl over favourite Gulf dictatorship

Fans of Manchester City and Paris Saint-Germain had to be separated by police after clashing over whether Abu Dhabi or Qatar was the better Middle Eastern neo-feudal monarchy.

A peaceful pre-game atmosphere in Paris was interrupted by City fans telling their rivals ‘You’re just a s**t Bahrain’, and inviting them to ‘stick your Al-Jazeera up your arse’.

PSG fans, many brandishing inflatable Qatari oryxes, hit back with chants of their own, including ‘We’ve got more oil than you’ and ‘You’re just a small emirate in the Arabian Peninsula’. Several arrests were made while the forces of order attempted to restrain incensed Mancunians.

“It was around 2008 — September 2008, to be precise — that I began to realise the Abu Dhabi ruling house of Nahyan was probably the best family of oil billionaires in the world,” said Man City fan Jon Harper. “Much better than those vulgar arrivistes from Qatar. How do they expect to be taken seriously when their coat of arms has a sailboat on it?

“I can’t believe they’re going to host the 2022 World Cup. It would make so much more sense for Abu Dhabi to host it.”

How do they expect to be taken seriously when their coat of arms has a sailboat on it?

Parisian Serge Marceau, who had painted his face in the colours of the Qatari flag, retorted: “Abu Dhabi’s skyscrapers all look like cheap dildos, unlike Qatar’s skyscrapers, which look like very expensive dildos. They want to be Dubai, but they’re more like Umm al-Quwain.”

The scuffles eventually died down after both sets of fans started chanting ‘stand up if you hate Kuwait’.

Please note: This fictional news story isn't real. But you already knew that, right? 

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