Derby County chairman Mel Morris has confessed that he derives great pleasure from sacking Steve McClaren and can’t guarantee that he won’t do it again soon.
McClaren was shown the door by Derby for the second time, just five months after he was reappointed, and sources at the club have suggested that Morris took an unhealthy delight in firing him.
“He’d been asking since the day Steve arrived when he’d be able to sack him again,” a source at Derby told FourFourTwo.
“Every week it was ‘Can I fire him yet?’, ‘Can I fire him yet?’ – he was like a child. When we finally said it might be fair enough, he set a date on his calendar and counted down to it every day.
“Every time he passed McClaren in the corridor he would do a cut-throat gesture and then laugh good-naturedly, then stop laughing, then begin laughing good-naturedly, just to see McClaren’s face crumple and uncrumple like a weather-beaten accordion. Sometimes he’d do that for a full hour, and by the end McClaren was more wrinkled forehead than man.”
After the fateful day finally came, colleagues reported that Morris appeared deflated by having actually fired the hapless tactician, and repeatedly sighed wistfully.
When quizzed on who would be replacing McClaren in the Derby hot seat, a red-faced Morris freely confessed that his leading candidate is McClaren.
“I just can’t help myself,” Morris admitted. “I love firing Steve.
“The whole process is a rush. The look on his face, his resigned sigh, the Dutch accent which inexplicably appears every time he’s stressed.
“CVs have started coming in, but I can’t imagine sacking any of them will give me that same rush.
“And, whatever he says, we all know that if I offered the job to Steve he’d take it. He’s like a sadomasochist, or a goldfish – he seems to either enjoy or completely forget the pain of managing Derby within minutes of leaving.”
At the time of publication a man resembling Steve McClaren had just been seen posting an envelope at Pride Park reception.
Please note: This satirical news story is not real. Like, obviously.
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