La Liga’s quotes of the summer

âÂÂEspanyol is like my wifeâ - Always promising to go down, but never going through with it, perhaps. Espanyol manager Pochettino, musing over comparisons between his club and his misses.

âÂÂI raised my hands to surrender but Carleto still shot me twiceâ - ValenciaâÂÂs Rubén Baraja speaking after a summertime paintballing session. That famous Mestalla team spirit is still alive and kicking, it seems.

âÂÂI will take the team to the Europa League, the Champions League and we will go once again to Madrid... thatâÂÂs what Manuel Ruíz de Lopera will work forâ - at least one of the Betis overlordâÂÂs potty pledges have come through. Second division Rayo Vallecano play in the capital city.

âÂÂWe decided that the best thing for everyone would be to sell me... but my wish was to stay in Mílanâ - Kaká shortly before being booted under the table by Florentino Pérez and handed the âÂÂmy childhood dream was always to play for Real Madrid script.âÂÂ

âÂÂGod put this money in the hands of Real Madrid so they could sign Kakáâ - A deserving middle-finger to all those Barça fans whining about Spanish banks lending a quarter of billion euros to Real Madrid in the middle of a recession. Mrs Kaká, Caroline Celico, says it is all part of His plan to reward her for keeping her cherry intact before marrying her hubby.

âÂÂThe most scandalous signing in the history of footballâ - Professional bedwetter, Barcelona cheerleader and U-turner, Josep María Casanovas from âÂÂSportâ on Cristiano RonaldoâÂÂs decision to sign for Real Madrid. And more importantly, not Barcelona.

âÂÂThe signing of the century!â - a slightly different perspective from Marca with their happy headline on the same affair.

âÂÂCristiano Ronaldo is not only number one with the ball but also for keeping his wordâ - MarcaâÂÂs thankfully sidelined writer Roberto Gómez ignorning the whole âÂÂplaying for Manchester United is a dreamâ business from Real MadridâÂÂs new kitten-rescuing, gentleman superstar.

âÂÂItâÂÂs unthinkable that one of my directors would say thisâ - Basque brotherhood in glorious action as Osasuna presient Patxi Izco feigns outrage over Athletic Bilbao VP Joseba Inchaurrage, noting that OsasunaâÂÂs relegation would have helped his club out no end on the transfer front in the close season.  

âÂÂIâÂÂve tried to ring him a couple of times but heâÂÂs not taking my callsâ - Joan Laporta on Catalan television during the Samuel EtoâÂÂo transfer saga. And either demonstrating refreshing honesty or that heâÂÂs a total half-wit who has no control over his players.  

âÂÂIâÂÂve got to get back to Spain tomorrow for trainingâ - Atlético full-back Mariano PerníaâÂÂs first words after coming out of a 72-hour coma caused by a car accident. Even with a broken collar bone, concussion and smashed ribs, he would still be better than Pablo.

âÂÂWe were pre-destined to find each otherâ - Burger King Spanish suit, Elias Diaz Sesé, getting just a little too excited over his companyâÂÂs new sponsorship deal with Getafe.

âÂÂWhy not play Raúl at left-back?â - A ludicrous letter appearing in Marca over the summer written by one of the paperâÂÂs readers. Or possibly by Raúl.

âÂÂWe will never spend 60 million euros on one playerâ - Barcelona director, Xavier Sala-i-Martin speaking far, far, far, far, far too soon.

âÂÂMy aim is to score between 30 and 40 goalsâ -  Plucky Real Valladolid recruit Manucho on his striking target for the new season. A fine aim if it werenâÂÂt for the fact that by all accounts he is a bit rubbish.

âÂÂItâÂÂs an invention by a club who went down this year and who want to screw us overâ - Joaquín Morales, the main shareholder for new boys Xerez, on a legal complaint from SD Compostela that there was financial dodginess at the club back in 2002.

âÂÂI was told that I should leave Valencia for the good of the club. But then, soon after, everything changedâ - David Villa reveals the shock news of confusion and chaos in Mestalla.

âÂÂDonâÂÂt knowâ - A simple answer from Pep Guardiola during the clubâÂÂs US tour on how he can improve the side this year.  

âÂÂWe are alone in the universeâ - Yes. Yes, you are. Atlético president Enrique Cerezo on his clubâÂÂs unique status.

 

NOTE: Due to a comments restriction, continue adding your responses to Monday's La Liga Loca blog 'The long list of much loathed in la Liga' here

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