The Great Weekend Preview - Round 33

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Saturday

Barcelona (2nd) v Espanyol (8th)

It's the "derby of depression" according to AS with the faces of both sets of fans longer than Ruud Van Nistelrooy in a hall of mirrors.

The pessimistic pericos decided to take action against their failing footballers this week by unveiling a thesaurus-inspired banner at the Espanyol training ground calling for "pride, honour, courage, effort, fight, valor, force... what don't you understand?"

Meanwhile, over in the Kingdom of Catalunya Deco has raged against the media-machine which have accused him of being a workshy party-boy, quarantined by the club lest his virility-virus spread to the rest of the squad. "I strongly deny everything," hiccuped the MIA midfielder from a beach bar in Sitges.

Home win.

Deco: Unimpressed with media accusations

Atlético Madrid (4th) v Betis (13th)

After eight months of swearing and a'snarling, limping and a'lounging, José Antonio Reyes has finally decided to start the season properly, what with there being only six matches left. But compared to last year, when the whining winger opted for playing just the last half an hour of the campaign, it's some improvement.

"The fans are now starting to see the true Reyes," boasted the moaning mummy's boy, who claims that he is nearly at 100%.

However, this apparent return to form is unlikely to make the midfielder bosom buddies with his boss anytime soon.

"It's true that we're not friends, but our relationship is normal," admitted Reyes as he finished scribbling his 500 lines handed out for looking at Javier Aguirre a bit funny.

"Whoever disrespects the club will be made to pay," growled del Nido in his best Brando impression on Thursday in response to the week's war of words. "It's ok to think of yourself, but I won't allow it to distract the group," he promised.

Getafe: Aiming to bounce back after Copa del Rey disappointment 

Osasuna (14th) v Deportivo (9th)

Spain's answer to Simon Cowell caused a bit of a tizz and a fizz this week in the country's version of Pop Idol.

When one of the contestants dropped out of the contest due to her grandmother popping her clogs the sunglass-wearing Risto Mejide told the remaining participants: "I ask if anyone else wants to leave the academy, if someone else has to do some business, has their car badly parked, or if their canary, dog, grandfather or whoever has died."

And that's exactly the kind of rousing rant Osasuna nut-job Cuco Ziganda will be giving to his Pamplonan players to inspire them to get the three points that should keep their Primera position for another year.

"Do you really want to save yourselves", yelled Clemente in full earshot of the man from AS. No coincidence there, claims the paper.

Draw.

Racing Santander (5th) v Real Madrid (1st)

Ronaldinho's supposedly imminent move to Milan has got Marca very excited indeed. And that's because they reckon that Kaka will be on his way to the Spanish capital in the summer as his 'I belong to Jesus', bible-bashing ways will be incompatible with those of the party-popping arrival.

Marca point out the chasm-like character differences of the two players claiming that "like a good Brazilian, Ronaldinho prefers the samba to work".

In another outrageously offensive stereotype, Marca's Roberto Gomez has poo-pooed the possible arrival of Klaas Jan Huntelaar by arguing that: "another Dutchman would form a 'tulip clan' that would not be beneficial to the dressing room." Of course another Brazilian who "prefers the samba to work" would be fine should Luis Fabiano be signed up, says Gomez.

Huntelaar: Joining Real would only help create a 'tulip clan' 

Athletic Bilbao (10th) v Valencia (15th)

Those charmless chancers running Valencia manage to get more despicable by the day. Rather than ridding themselves of Ronald Koeman at the end of the season as reward for his Copa del Rey win, the talk in the Spanish press is that the Dutchman will be packing his clogs - as Marca would probably put it - on Sunday night if his team fail to beat Athletic.

Whats more, Valencia are also considering fining Cañizares, Angulo and Albeda for their collective failure to attend Wednesday's final in an official club capacity - although the latter was there doing a radio commentary.