Danny Rose described England as his "salvation" as the Tottenham full-back revealed his depression diagnosis, which was triggered by injury and family tragedy.
Rose endured a difficult campaign in 2017-18, the Spurs left-back only making 10 Premier League appearances due to a serious knee injury sustained last year.
The 27-year-old spent nine months on the sidelines before returning in October, however, treatment of that injury was the start of a turbulent period in his life.
Rose's uncle took his own life, the England international's mother was the victim of racial abuse, while his brother was the target of a shooting inside the family home.
Now in a better place ahead of the World Cup in Russia – where Rose will be without his family amid concerns over abuse they could receive at the tournament – the 17-cap international thanked England and Tottenham for their support as he lifted the lid on his struggles.
"It's no secret that I've been through a testing time at Tottenham this season," said Rose. "It led to me seeing a psychologist and I was diagnosed with depression, which nobody knows about. I had to get away from Tottenham.
"I'm lucky that England gave me that opportunity to get away, refresh my mind and I'll always be grateful to them. I was on medication for a few months – nobody knows about that apart from my agent – but I'm off the medication now, I'm good again and looking forward to how far we can go in Russia."
All 23 members of our squad – plus the three standby players – are out for training.June 6, 2018
Rose continued: "Nobody knows this either, but my uncle [his father's brother] killed himself in the middle of my rehab, and that triggered the depression as well.
"Off the field there have been other incidents: back home in August my mum was racially abused in Doncaster. She was very angry and upset about it, and then someone came to the house and nearly shot my brother in the face – a gun was fired at my house.
"England has been my salvation and I can't thank the manager and the medical staff enough. It was really hard, and being referred to a doctor and psychologist by the Spurs club doctor helped me massively to cope. I haven't told my mum or my dad, and they are probably going to be really angry reading this, but I've kept it to myself until now."
"I was getting very angry, very easily. I didn't want to go into football, I didn't want to do my rehab, I was snapping when I got home; friends were asking me to do things and I wouldn't want to go out, and I would come home and go straight to bed," Rose added.
"It all stemmed from my injury when I was advised I didn't need an operation. I don't know how many tablets I took to try and get fit for Tottenham, how many injections I took trying to get fit for Tottenham. I had cortisone and platelet-rich plasma injections trying to be fit for my club.
"I had to have an operation four months down the line – after all that football I missed, when the team was flying and I was playing really well, the team were playing really well. Seeing the lads beat Arsenal comfortably, seeing them beat Man United comfortably, it was hard. I'm not saying I've had worse treatment than anybody else. That's football. But it was difficult – that was the start of it."
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