Simple-minded simians running amok in La Liga

In another one of those forehead-slapping 'what on earth were they thinking?' moments, the shaved monkeys running Spanish football - the same simple-minded simians who allowed the Mallorca v Real Madrid match to be televised (badly) on two channels - have agreed to Valencia's request that their league clash with Racing Santander be brought forward from Sunday afternoon to Saturday night.

And this is all fine and dandy if it were not for the tiny fact that Valencia made the appeal to give the players more time to prepare for their Copa del Rey final, the following Wednesday. A final Getafe are also playing in. And a final that the Madrid side will have one day less to prepare for due to their UEFA cup clash with Bayern, on Thursday night, preventing them from playing on Saturday. Despite the obvious "why didn't you just say no to Valencia and for pity's sake why wasn't this sorted out a month ago" questions, the timetable still stands. And Getafe president, Angel Torres, for one, isn't a happy bunny.Torres is calling for the president of the LFP, José Luis Astiazarón, to resign or for Valencia's match to be moved back to the original Sunday slot. As José Luis would probably need a SWAT team to remove him from the free LFP buffet, the first demand ain't gonna to happen. And nor is the second. The Getafe bigwig's doomsday scenario is fielding a side of reserves, on Sunday, in the clash with Zaragoza, at the Coliseum. "This is not our wish as we are friends with other clubs also in the fight against relegation", says Torres. They'll still beat Zaragoza though, a team who are currently looking at bringing in a sports psychologist - still considered as a bit odd, in Spain - to stop their current footballing freefall. But there's no need for such drastic action yet, says cappuccino-quaffing midfielder Alberto Zapater who claims there are "seven games left and there's nobody dead, yet".

Zapater: Coffee-slurper refusing to accept relegation 

Joan Plaza's fist-pumping, finger-jabbing and spittle-flying rant at a gaggle of Barcelona fan groups, on Sunday, has gone down as well as Paris Hilton with a slipped disc.

"A team going for the league and the Champions League is not as bad as some may say", yelled the King of Cataluyna as he berated sections of the culé cult for not being supportive enough. Luckily, on this occasion, the Barcelona president managed not to remove his trousers - something he has the tendency to do, when upset - however Laporta's dictator-like display has upset some members of the club board, say Marca.An indication of what may be wrong at Camp Nou was given, on Monday, with the revelation that a multi-tasking Frank Rijkaard was having to juggle the daily responsibilities of making up excuses for Ronaldinho not being able to play, coaching the first team and also acting as club caretaker. "I forgot to open the gates", admitted the Dutch coach when asked why the fans were locked out of Monday's training session. Marca are desperately trying to get back into Real Madrid's footballing pants with Tuesday's headline screaming, "This Madrid can make history!"- and not as the worst champions ever, as one would immediately think. Instead the paper boasts that Bernd Schuster's men will be making history by picking up back to back league titles - an impressive feat if it weren't for the fact they have done it before, 18 years ago. And Barcelona managed it two years ago. The raging rag also pictures Alfredo di Stefano standing over a big hole carrying a shovel. And it isn't part of a dramatic and potentially bloody form-distracting plan by Calderón but a ceremony to celebrate the building of a new youth training centre - the kind of thing that passes for news round these parts.

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